d.: Wel, Cal.E. went back to her home planet, The Planet of the Talking Cats to campaign for ruler of that planet. Today, I received an email from her. It was her report to Meow Z. Tonge, the Supreme Ruler of the Cat Galaxy. Cal.E. was supposed tobe sending reports to Meow as a condition of her exile. If she didn’t do that, Meow was going to execute her, as Tom, her ex-husband and king of POTTC had declared anyone who ate his food should (maybe Tom was already going senile by then?) Cal.E. c.c’d me the email to let me know that she wouldn’t be coming back here to this planet whether or not she won the election she is running against her ex-husband. I’ll share it with you now.
Meow,
Sir, I have done my best to assimilate with the creatures that inhabit this planet, but I’m afraid that doing so was to my own detriment. The beings who run this planet are crazy. I say that with a tinge of irony, because they had me locked up at one time because they thought that I was the one who was mentally unstable, but I digress. My report is as follows:
People, the inhabitants of this planet who consider themselves the rulers, have skewed values. They use people and love things instead of the other way around, as it should be. They spout rhetoric about freedom of speech and religion and then promptly delete any posts they don’t agree with on social media and burn books they haven’t studied thoroughly or even read.
People also give strangers the benefit of the doubt in a stressful situation, while doubting the word of someone they have known for many years, or even decades. The person in doubt is often someone who has never been dishonest with them, and has generally treated them fairly, if not generously.
People start wars with neighboring counties because of slight philosophical differences of religion or other things that life does not depend on. So, Meow Z. Tongue, if you are looking for a reason not to destroy this planet, I can give you none.
Sincerely, Cal.E. Katt.
p.s.: d.c., I learned how to use the voice command on my computer to write this email so that I wouldn’t need to use a spacebar.
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