kick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the sun of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am
Make a piece in your master game plan
Free from the earthly temptation below
I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the rightStraight through the sun of them righteous uprightsDropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Bring on the brothers who've gone on before
And all of the sisters who've knocked at your door
All the departed, dear loved ones of mine
And stick 'em up front in the offensive line
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the sun of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the sun of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Yeah, dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Paul Charles Craft
Dropkick Me Jesus lyrics © Screen Gems-emi Music Inc., Black Sheep Music
Tux: Cal.E., it’s time to start training.
C.: Just one minute, my love. I must make an important phone call to d.c. (as soon as I can think of a reason to call him). Then, I’ll be right with you. (ring)
d.: Hi, Cal.E., what’s up?
C.: Oh, not much, what are you up to?
d.: I’m trying to get ready for this weekend, so I’m busier than a one-legged man at a butt-kicking contest right now.
C.: That’s so interesting. Tell me, where are these…derriere kicking contest staged? Are they spectator events? If so, can animals attend or compete in said contest? Is dropkicking aloud in a butt kicking contest?
d.: Well…it’s just an expression. As far as I know, there’s no such thing as a butt kicking contest, but…
C.: You’re confusing me. Don’t use a word if it doesn’t exist, like the lyrics to the song at the beginning of the blog. What is a dropkick, anyway.
d.: Actually, those do exist. Before kickers could kick field goals fifty to sixty yards, a position player would drop the ball to kick it when it made contact with the ground. If it went through the uprights, it counted for three points, like a field goal still does in American football.
C.: So, since this didn’t require a holder, there was on extra blocker?
d.: Yes, I suppose there was, but it was a much less accurate kick than the kicks kickers can make today. They also couldn’t kick the ball as far. That was probably because that’s not what those players spent their time practicing, like kickers do now.
C.: So, back in your day, they didn’t really have free substitution, right?
d.: I’m not that old, but football, I believe, has always had free substitution. Most of the teams in the old days, though, used the same players on offense and defense because they wanted to most talented players on the field at all times, but what’s your point, Cal.E.?
C.: Well, if the kicker was a lineman, what happened when he went into the backfield to kick? Did he need to change jerseys so as not to be declared ineligible?
d.: No, the numbers didn’t matter so much back then. Some backs had high numbers. The refs just remembered who they were. I guess that they had better memories back then.
C.: So, if the numbers meant nothing, why did they wear them? And…
d.: I’d like to change my answer now. I’m busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger, then.
C.: Isn’t that usually a two-person job?
d.: Not if one is a professional.
C.: Then, what happens to the other worker? Did he get dropkicked through the goalposts of life? And, what about the one-armed man from the move THE FUGITIVE. Could he hang wallpaper?
d.: No, Cal.E. The guy that movie was based on admitted that he made the one-armed man up to avoid prosecution. There actually was no one-armed man, but some professionals are capable of hanging wallpaper by themselves.
C.: With one arm?
d.: I suppose not.
C.: Then, why did you say that you were busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger? If one-armed wallpaper hangers and the one-armed man from THE FUGITIVE don’t exist, that means that you’re not busy at all, right?
d.:...That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
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