Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the sun of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am
Make a piece in your master game plan
Free from the earthly temptation below
I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the sun of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Bring on the brothers who've gone on before
And all of the sisters who've knocked at your door
All the departed, dear loved ones of mine
And stick 'em up front in the offensive line
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the sun of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
C.: Well, I guess it’s time for me to see if I’m going to dropkick Meow Z. Tongue through the goal posts of life, or if he’s going to do the same to me. I might as well tip toe in to T's media room
and try to see if I can get that remote control away from him…he’s sound asleep! This is going to be easy…unless this is a trick…Nope. I got it. Now, I’ll call d.c. and let him know.
“d.c., I go the remote, ad it was easy.”
d.: Way to go, Cal.E.
I knew that you could do it!
C.: Wait, you knew that I could do it? did you do something to help me accomplish this?
d.: Well, I wanted you to feel as if you had a part in saving the world,
so I knocked Meow out with an inert ingredient in his catnip.
C.: Was it......
MURDER 8?
d.: No, Cal.E., I don’t have access to fentanyl. Even if I did, I couldn’t take it out of The Kennel, anyway, but almost everything has an inert ingredient. Even the air we breathe is 78% nitrogen and 21% oxygen. That leaves a full 1% of the air as inert ingredients. The most prevalent inert ingredient in the air is argon gas. Although in minute quantities this gas is harmless, in larger quantities it can be fatal. The same is true of carbon dioxide, the second most prevalent inert ingredient in air. Both can cost someone his or her life if enough of either is inhaled. Each is colorless, odorless, and tasteless. Consequently, neither is easily detected. Some other inert ingredients are also deadly, even in minute quantities. Many are practically impossible to detect….
C.: So, what undetectable inert ingredient would knock a cat that bit out? Was it Trazadone?
d.: No, Cal.E., it wasn’t the drug that’s used as a placebo for catnip to get addicted cats off the herb.
C.: Then, was it melatonin?
d.: No, and, if I’m not mistaken, Melatonin is dangerous to give to cats. What I gave him will keep him asleep for a few hours, but it’s otherwise harmless to him.
C.: Then, was it human catnip? That stuff made so dizzy I fell and it made me sick when I accidentally ate some while I was working at The Kennel.
d.: No, Cal.E. it wasn’t marijuana, either. It wasn’t any other narcotic, either. This is something that can easily be gotten from a pharmacy with the right prescription.
C.: Hmm. What could that be. Is it bigger than a bread box and smaller than a 747?
d.: No, it’s smaller than a bread box. It will easily fit in the palm of my hand.
C.: d.c., your hands are gargantuan. That doesn’t eliminate much of anything.
d.: Well, it has off-label uses, one of which is for chronic headaches.
C.: Hmm. I give up. What was it?
d.: It was…
C.: It looks like our engineers are telling us that we’re out of time for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E’s Korner.
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