Cal.E.'s Korner

Valentine told me who's to go

Feelings he's treasured most of all

The teachers and the football star

It's in his tiny face

It's in his scrawny hand

Valentine told me so

He's got something to say, it's Valentine's Day

The rhythm of the crowd

Teddy and Judy down

Valentine sees it all

He's got something to say, it's Valentine's Day

Valentine told me how it feels

If all the world were under his heels

Or stumbling through the mall

It's in his tiny face

It's in his scrawny hand

Valentine knows it all

He's got something to say, it's Valentine's Day

Lyrics by: David Bowie via lyricfind

C.: It looks like my valentine, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known as the Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken, my third husband, has sprung me from The Kennel just in time for Valentine’s Day. I suppose he's the one who posted my bail, since I see that he's all duded up and ready to for a fancy night on the town with me.

What’s the holdup, d.c.?

d.: Well, I must check your orientation. Anyone or anything that is in The Kennel for more than seventy-two and one quarter hours must pass a test to indicate that s/he (or the nonbinary individual) is ready to go back out into public and not be dismayed. You were in The Kennel for seventy-two hours and sixteen minutes, so I must check your orientation to person, place, time, situation and species. Also, I need my manuscript back, please.

C.: Oh, sorry, dude. My cellie thought that it would be a good idea to throw me a ticker-tape parade when I got out, so he shredded the manuscript and threw it all up in the air. Don’t you have another copy, or one on file in your computer?

d.: I don’t have another hard copy, but I do have one on file in my computer (if I can just remember where I stored it. I have so many files and folders that everything is hard to find)>.

Okay, we’ll worry about that later. Now, first, count backwards from one hundred by sevens..

C.: 100,93.86,79,72,65,58,51…

d.: Okay, that checks. Can you state your name, occupation and species as well as present location, and day of the week, please?

C.: My name is Calculating Einstein Katt. It’s Wednesday, February 14,2024 at 3:03 p.m. I’m the head cage cleaner at The Kennel, where I’m presently being held for a urinalysis that revealed the use of catnip, to which I was addicted for an unspecified length of time, so I’m obligated to submit a sample once a week to my parole officer.

d.: Okay, good. One more question. I’m going to say a word, and you tell me what the opposite of it is.

Right.

C.: Left. Or, to use the word colloquially, the opposite of right is the mainstream news media and several websites sighting improved economic conditions, more jobs, and a reduction in inflation when statistics show just the opposite. Since it is an election year, they are doing this to sway the voters to re-elect the present administration when, in fact, the popular vote is of no consequence, as the Electoral College is not bound by law to vote for the candidate whom they are elected to vote for. In other words, they put in power whomever they dang-well please!

 C.O.:Is she ready to be released, nurse?

d.: She’s all clear, sarge. She’s oriented to person, place, time situation, species, and reality.