Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am
Make a piece in your master game plan
Free from the earthly temptation below
I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Bring on the brothers who've gone on before
And all of the sisters who've knocked at your door
All the departed, dear loved ones of mine
And stick 'em up front in the offensive line
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Yeah, dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Paul Charles Craft
Dropkick Me Jesus lyrics © Screen Gems-emi Music Inc., Black Sheep Music
C.: Thank you, Ralph, for playing our theme song on your bass. He’s my youngest tom cat and bass player (stay out of my catnip, Ralph).
Well, our next guest is our usual cohost, d.c. scot. d.c., I hear that you have some news that may make you feel as if you’ve been dropkicked through the goalposts of life.
d.: No, not really, Cal.E. I did receive a rejection letter from a publisher that kept my manuscript for MURDER 8 for six months. They asked me not to submit it to any other publishers in that six-month period. However, the editor said that it didn’t really fit with any of their imprints.
C.: Are you disappointed?
d.: I was disappointed, but not surprised.
C.: Explain, please.
d.: Firstly, I estimated the odds of this manuscript being published by this publisher at 32%. That’s a lot better than the two percent chance a writer has of being accepted by an agent, but much less than a 50/50 chance. Also, a small, Texas-based publisher has already said that they will publish it, but it will be about six more months before they can get to it.
C.: Why is that, d.c.?
d.: Because it’s a small company that’s run by two ladies who have other jobs. This means that I would be obligated to do most of my own marketing. Additionally, after studying their website, I noticed that most of their books were about one-half the length of four of the five that I’ve written, the fiction ones.
C.: Didn’t you get this far with an agent with your non-fiction book before she ultimately decided that it wasn’t a good fit for her, too?
d.: Yes, but I had an inkling, from the things that she wanted me to change in the manuscript that would happen. Fail stands for first attempt in learning. Or, to put it another way, Thomas Edison once famously said that he hadn’t failed once, but he had found almost 2,000 ways not to make a lightbulb.
Another good example is the gentlemen who wrote the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” Series. They got so many rejections that I think that they stopped counting. Today, that series has sold over one-half of a billion books.
C.: So, you’ve found a lot of ways to not go about getting published. Why don’t you just self-publish, like a lot of other writers do?
d.: For several reasons. One is that I don’t have time. Secondly, I like receiving feedback because it makes me a better writer; although there is a difference between constructive criticism and just plain criticism that’s just used to vent hostilities. I received some excellent feedback on the manuscript for MURDER 8. I think it imporved the manuscript a lot.
I’m accustomed to constructive criticism because my dad was an engineer. Engineers spend their whole careers looking at models and criticizing them constructively. If they don’t, they don’t make any progress, and no improvements are made. Also, I now have an excellent editor who is a writer as well. She does what I want her to do: tear the story apart and then make helpful suggestions. It’s hard for a writer to do that him or herself. We look at our manuscripts as our creations. It’s hard to be realistically critical of something that you’ve created. You have fourteen kittens, so you can understand that.
C.: Okay, getting back to your style not fitting any particular genre. That’s kind of what was said about the manuscripts that you wrote in fiction and nonfiction genres. Is that disappointing?
d.: No, not really. I realize that a book can only sit on one shelf in a bookstore, but, if you listen to any popular music, or have been on this planet for more than one minute; you’ve hear of Taylor Swift. Her music doesn’t really conform to one genre, much like Willie Nelson and the group Nikel Back. They’ve all done well for themselves, though.
C.: Well, you’ve come close a couple of times, but still need to find a publisher. Don’t humans believe that coming close only counts when y’all (with opposable thumbs) are tossing hand grenades and horseshoes?
d.: That’s actually the title of a chapter in one of my manuscripts. If you’ll remember, I disagreed with that statement.
C.: Explain, please.
d.: Well, look at it this way. If a baseball player is hitting with the bases loaded and less than two outs, he’s going to try to hit the ball as far as he can. He may not hit a grand slam, but, if he hits the ball far enough, he may hit a sacrifice fly and knock in a run. That counts as much as a solo home run. But, if he does the same thing with no one on base, it’s just an out.
C.: So, you’re saying that it depends on the situation?
d.: Yes, exactly. My hope is that someone besides this agent and publisher will take notice. But I must continue to query agents and independent publishers to accomplish that, so I suppose that I'm out of time for today.
C.: Thank you, d.c. This has been enlightening. And now, for our final guest, we have…MEOW Z. TONGUE?!!
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