Cal.e.'s Korner

C.:  d.c., I read your first book (PRECISION) and I have some questions about slang expressions. I mean, I know that you are from the American Deep South, and you now live in Texas. That means that most of these expressions that you use are based in Southern slang, I suppose.

d.: What expressions don’t you understand, Cal.E.?

C.: Okay, well, you use “y’all a lot, and that makes sense. I’ve even heard this expression used on television shows not based in the south. It’s a good word, because the term “you” is ambiguous. It can be either plural or singular.

d.: Yes, someone could say, “all of you” if s/he wants to clarify the statement as plural. However, saying “y’all saves some time, although just “y’all” doesn’t imply a large group of people.

C.: Well, how many people does that word imply, and what would one say if s/he wanted to address a larger number of people?

d.: If it’s a few people.

C.: So, three people?

d.: No, I’d say between eight and ten. If it’s more than ten people, most southerners would say “all y’all,” implying s/he is addressing everyone present.

C.: As in, “All y’all can go to…”

d.: Moving on. What other expressions caught your attention?

C.: “Nobody ever cusses in church.” What does that mean?

d.:  That’s mainly used in the Bible belt, and it’s not as accurate as it should be. I’ve heard some men, mostly, use some mild profanity in a church setting, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the church building. What it means is that some (or most) people will adjust their vocabulary according to the audience s/he is addressing.

For instance, farmers wouldn’t appreciate a county agent telling them to use a specific chemical combination to kill weeds on their land, but giving a brand name would be appropriate.

Another similar express in “Read the room” and adjust your rhetoric accordingly.

C.: I see. Well, this isn’t so much southern as a preference for you, personally, I think. I don’t see you using “ain’t” a lot, even though the Oxford and Merrian-Webster dictionaries have accepted it as proper colloquial word. I also don’t see you use the word “them” for a singular person

d.: And my spell-check still red-lines the words “ain’t” as well as “y’all.”. I guess whoever programed that app. was old-school, like me. That also applies to using “they/them” to indicate just one person. That was not acceptable when I was taking English classes…

C.: In the last century, one-hundred years ago?

d.: Hey, it wasn’t that long. It was just….never mind. Do you have more expressions that confuse your?

C.: Yes. What does “As useless as teats on a boar hog” mean?

d.: Well, boars are some of the meanest and most aggressive animals on the face of the earth. If a piglet was blind, or confused, and it wanted to nurse his or her dad instead of a sow, that would mean a lot of pain and trouble for him or her. therfore, teats on a male hog would be useless.

C.: Well, that explains “ as mean as a boar hog” then.

Now, what’s the infatuation southerners have with dogs?

d.: ???

C.: “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the fight in the dog that counts.”

d.: It means that some people have more will, heart and determination than others, so it doesn’t matter about the size of the opponent. The person who wants to win the most usually wins a competition. That expression, unfortunately, isn’t always true.

C.: And, “I don’t have a dog in the fight?”

d.: That means the person doesn’t have a reason to root for one person or team. That person may, however, still may watch a competition and enjoy it, because s/he doesn’t have a preference about who wins and loses.

C.: And, what’s a “Bell Cow”?

d.: Well, cows are heard animals. Years ago, fences weren’t particularly good, so the rancher would put a cow bell on the dominant cow. When the rancher heard a cow bell clanking, the rancher would know where the majority of his heard of cattle was grazing or resting, and the rancher could then find the cows and make sure that they were all accounted for. S/he might also give the cows some feed, so that they would come to the sound of the rancher’s truck, tracker, or ATV.  Stronger fences made this unnecessary, though.

C.,:   got it. The Bell Cow is the leader. Moving on, how does one, “mosey”?

d.: It’s similar to ambling. Walking away without being in a hurry.

 C.: And what is smithereens?

d.: Small particles.

C.:I guess that’s the last one. So, I reckon I’m gonna  be tha bell cow and mosey on out of heah,  afore I start cussin’ in church. I hope that this blog'll resonates with some of y'all, or all y'all, but I don’ have a dog in the fight. I jus’ hope the censors don’t get ahold o’ this blog post and tear it ta smithereens. Them critters are as ornery as boar hogs. These 'uns are a might better, though, than tha old ones. Tha old'uns that they fired were about as useless as teats on one o’ dem boar hogs I just mentioned. But, If’n tha censors do get ahold o’ this blog post, d.c., an’ you want to fight ta publish it, jus’ r'member it ain’t tha size o’ the dog in tha fight, but tha size o' fight in tha dog.

Peace out, all y’all. We’.’’ See all y’all tomorra’ for 'nother edition of Cal.E.’s Korner.