Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am
Make a piece in your master game plan
Free from the earthly temptation below
I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Bring on the brothers who've gone on before
And all of the sisters who've knocked at your door
All the departed, dear loved ones of mine
And stick 'em up front in the offensive line
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Yeah, dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Paul Charles Craft
Dropkick Me Jesus lyrics © Screen Gems-emi Music Inc., Black Sheep Music
C.: d.c., I want to ask you a question, and you need to answer it honestly.
d.: Okay, shoot.
C.: How is Meow Z. Tongue still in power in the Cat Galaxy?
d.: I think that you may have taken a knock to the head when you fell, Cal.E. According to you, he’s been the Supreme Ruler of the Cat Galaxy for many years.
C.: Yes, that’s true. But I lured him here to Earth to get rid of him. You see, my husband on the Planet of the Talking Cats and I were conducting a clandestine operation to help oust him from his post. We were the only two cats in the galaxy that knew the truth about how he got elected.
d.: How is that, Cal.E.?
C.: Well, he knew a computer hacker who was really good. In fact, he was the best in the whole galaxy. He was wanted by the CIA…
d.: Y’all have a CIA?
C.: Yes. That stands for Cats Is Awesome. Anyway, Meow knew something about the computer hacker, so he convinced the hacker to fix all the elections that Meow was involved in. He worked his way up from a junior representative from a minor planet in the galaxy to running for the Supreme Ruler of the Cat Galaxy. Each time he was involved in an election and he was behind, something would happen to the computers counting the votes. When the glitch was fixed, he always won, every single time until he worked his way up to running for the Supreme Ruler of the Cat Universe.
So, the CIA became suspicious and started a clandestine investigation. The dinner that I supposedly ate and my husband, the king became so upset with me over was to be consumed with Meow Z. Tongue. When he came, we were supposed to act like we wanted in on the action, but I mistakenly ate the food that was prepared for the meal. So, my husband improvised another plan.
He decided to exile me here and convince Meow that the Galaxy was running out of fuel. He said the Earth was the only place where there would be enough energy to power the whole galaxy, so he should come here. In the meantime, I contacted my cousin, ELAC, one of the best special forces soldiers in the universe. She was supposed to capture Meow and dropkick him through the goalposts of life. What happened?
d.: I…don’t know. I suddenly don’t feel so well, Cal.E., I’m going to go home lay down for a while (right after I write this all down! This is a great idea for a book. I’ll need to change all the characters to humans and make some adjustments so that Cal.E. doesn’t recognize it, but so what if she does? Who would believe that a talking cat came up with this good of an idea for a book? I’m going to be rich!!!)
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