Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am
Make a piece in your master game plan
Free from the earthly temptation below
I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Bring on the brothers who've gone on before
And all of the sisters who've knocked at your door
All the departed, dear loved ones of mine
And stick 'em up front in the offensive line
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Yeah, dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Paul Charles Craft
Dropkick Me Jesus lyrics © Screen Gems-emi Music Inc., Black Sheep Music
January 8, 2024; Houston Texans’ Headquaters; Houston, Texas 0900 hours:
Mr. Caserio, there’s a call from someone who claims to be God on line one.
G.M.: Thanks, I’ll take it. “Bill, how’s it going up there? Has Hell, I mean Boston, frozen over snow yet? You want to do what now? Hold one please.”
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
“Thanks for the laugh, Bill. Trading C.J. Stroud straight-up for Mac Jones is the laugh of the….well, the century so far. No, Bill, He’s not going anywhere, so that job’s not available to you or anyone else for the foreseeable future (only after they haul my dead body out of this office. I’m not ever letting anyone else but DeMeco Ryans be the Texans’ head coach as long as I’m alive, and certainly not the man who thinks he’s God. Cal McNair would dropkick me through the goalposts of life if I did that, and I wouldn’t blame him). (click)
Oh, that Bill Bilichick, what a card! He thought that he could take advantage of our former relationship and make a lopsided trade. I wouldn’t trade our quarterback for anyone else in the NFL, and certainly not for one who has yet to prove himself. C.J. Stroud has done that and more in his first year. I believe that his unusual routine he does before games will become very popular before he retires because he drops the ball into his receivers’ hands while they're still running full-stride. A lot of veteran quaterbacks have trouble doing that, but a rooke being as accurate as he is has gotten everyone’s attention…
Sir, you have another call on line one.
“You want to speak to who now? Can you spell that last name slowly, please? Hmm. Bobby Slowly. I’ve never heard of him. Okay, bye.”
Assistant: please hold all calls about our offensive coordinator, Bobby Slowik, until further notice (so I can think of a way to discourage another NFL team from hiring him away from us. He’s only worked here for one year. I want to see how well he can do). Oh, and, if anyone calls from a San Fransisco area code, don’t answer the call. In fact, just unplug the phones.
(I’m afraid that Cap may want to go back to where his coaching career started. That wouldn’t be good for me or the Texans.) We’ve already sold our allotment of playoff tickets for the first game. We’ll reopen the lines when we win our first playoff game since 20019.
Meanwhile, in another part of Greater Houston, d.c. is having some trouble of his own
d.: Let’s see, this email says to put in my email, and I could get five of these for the price of one. What a deal! What?! “Email address not recognized?!” But y’all just sent an email to this email address! How could you not recognize the email address that you just emailed?
C.: Hi, d.c. What’s up?
d.: I’m trying to enter my email address and get five for the price of one!
C.: Five of what?
d.: Does it matter? That’s four hundred percent more. You’re good at math now, so you can appreciate that.
C.: Okay, let me see your phone. Hmm. There you go.
d.: Okay, thanks. What did I forget to type in?
C.: It wasn’t anything that you forgot to type in, it was the way you typed in the address. You must hit the keys at a forty-five degree angle exactly 0.03 seconds apart.
d.: Where does it say that?
C.: It doesn’t, but that’s common knowledge with this website.
d.: Okay, thanks. Now, since I already have an account with this company, all I must do is put in my password, if I can remember which one it is. No, not that one. Not that one, either. Hmm….maybe it’s my birthday. Let’s see. “My Birthday.” No, that’s not it. I wonder if the password is case sensitive? It probably is, but I don’t think this is the correct password for this website. Hmm. Maybe it’s my wife’s birthday. Let’s see “My Wife’s Birthday.” No, that’s not it…oh, silly me. I need to use Eudora’s birthday. “Eudora’s Birthday.” No, that’s not it, either. Maybe it’s one of my son’s birthdays. “One of my son’s birthdays.” That’s not it, either. Maybe it’s all three of my sons’ birthdays. “All three of my son’s birthdays.” No, that’s not it, either. I’ve only got one more chance, and then I’ll be locked out for twenty-four hours if I don’t type in the correct password. This offer expires in twenty-three minutes and fifty-nine seconds, so I must succeed this time… oh, yes, I remember what it was now. Hmm. It was the last password I tried. It’s funny how that works, but I guess that there’s no use trying any more passwords, because I’ve already found the correct one. Also, I’d be locked out of the website for twenty-four hours if I tried another incorrect password. The offer expires one second before that, so I’d better not try another password.
C.: d.c., now that you’ve figured out your password, I do have a question…
d.: What’s that?
C.: It’s an interrogative statement used to derive information, but that’s not important right now.
d.: Well, unfortunately, we’re out of time for today, Cal.E. So, remember your question, and I’ll answer it tomorrow right here on Cal.E.’s Korner.
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