Cal.E.'s Korner

C.: d.c., I didn’t see our post yesterday.

d.: That’s because of the windstorm yesterday.

C.: That little 10 mph wind we had.

d.: Yes; it knocked my internet out.

C.: I can’t believe that.

d.: I have AT&T,

C.: Oh, I see.

d.: Anyway, here is yesterday’s blog.

C.: Well, it looks like the main event is about to start.

d.: Yes, the announcer is about to give the introductions for the fighters.

Ladies, Gentlemen, and nonbinary individuals, as well as animals of all kinds and ages. We have, for your entertainment tonight, a cat fight between the holder of five heavyweight cat fighting belts, T!!!!

C&d.: Oh, wow! Your/my new husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known as The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known as T Because Triple T was Already Taken, only wants to be called “T” now. Who knew?!

T will be in the black corner. And, in the red corner, in his initial cat fight, someone you’ve never heard of, and may never again hear of him if he loses this fight, The Alley Cat!

d.: Well, this should be an interesting cat fight. Alley cats are tough, and Tucker is the world champion is five different heavyweight cat fighting categories.

Referee: Okay, I want a clean fight. Since there are no hard and fast rules in cat fighting, anything goes. Now bump paws and come out ready to cat fight.

The announcer: And the opponents are bumping paws (ding) And there’s the opening bell. It looks like the challenger is gong to try to take it right to the champ. He’s standing in front of T, and (Pow!) and The Alley Cat is down. Let’s see if it’s a knockout or a standing eight count.

Referee: One, two, buckle my shoe, three four, shut the door, five, six, pickup sticks, seven, eight, don’t be late (to get up. Get up, you bum! People are paying a lot of money to watch this and,) nine, ten, T wins again.

Announcer: T holds his title in this category, and so now we’ll go to about three hours’ worth of commercials, since they’re already paid for.

C.: What do we do now? Tucker will be with the vet for a while, making sure that his paw is okay, and the crowd will take a few minutes to dissipate.

d.: Well, I need some help with my in-service training. Now, instead of just watching videos, our administrator wants us to make our own video practicing what we read in our manual. You could help me do that.

C.: How?

d.: Curtesy is the first training. I just need someone to act as an inmate at The Kennel. I wrote a script. You be you and I’ll be me. I’ll record us on my cell phone and send it to my supervisor. That will suffice as my first mandatory training.

C.: But, I’m a talking cat. I don’t want to expose myself and get experimented on by a bunch of sadistic animal haters.

d.: You can be off camera. That way no one will know that it’s a cat who’s talking.

C.: Okay, let me get into character. Got it, go!

d.: Hello, and good morning or afternoon, ma’am, sir, or nonbinary individual. How are you this fine day, may I ask in a non-offensive manner?

C.: I’m in the KENNEL!

d.: Very well, sir, ma’am, or nonbinary individual. How may I be of service to you this fine morning, evening, or afternoon?

C.: I’m in THE kennel!

d.: I understand your frustration and am empathetic with your situation, but, can you be more specific about your ailment, ma’am, sir, or nonbinary individual?

C,: I’m IN the kennel!

d.: Yes, I see. I can certainly understand your frustration with the situation, ma’am, sir, or nonbinary individual. I’m here to help in any way that I can. Would you like a drink of water?

C.: I’M in the Kennel!!

d.: It looks like a majority of the crowd has gone, so we can go now. That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.