Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am
Make a piece in your master game plan
Free from the earthly temptation below
I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Bring on the brothers who've gone on before
And all of the sisters who've knocked at your doo
rAll the departed, dear loved ones of mine
And stick 'em up front in the offensive line
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Yeah, dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Paul Charles Craft
Dropkick Me Jesus lyrics © Screen Gems-emi Music Inc., Black Sheep Music
C.: I’m sorry about our little misunderstanding yesterday, d.c. It’s just that I’m really sensitive about my weight.
d.: (And everything else, too). It’s okay, Cal.E., why don’t you come over and watch some football games with me.
C.: I’d love to. I’m actually standing at your front door. I anticipated the invitation.
d.: Okay, come on in.
C.: Really, you’re going to let me in without even checking to make sure that I’m not an ax murderer running amok?
d.: If you were an ax murderer, T. Puppy Katt would take care of you.
C.: Ouch!! Cut that out! d.c. call your attack poodle off. Her teeth really hurt!
d.: Down girl. Okay, now to watch some football. The first game starts at 11:30, so we have some time to talk if you want to.
C.: I’m really looking forward to watching some real men play football today.
d.: Pttth!
C.: ???!!!
d.: Football ain’t football anymore. They might as well be playing flag football. The players run around in shorts. If someone makes a good hit, he’s penalized. The referee might as well say, “He hit the poor baby too hard. That’s a fifteen yard penalty and the player has been ejectected from this game, pending review.” The referees then take forever to make a decision on the ejection. The games take too long because of stuff like that.
C.: You don’t like the way the game’s played now, d.c.? Why not?
d.: No, in my day, it was real men playing real football. Even then, Jack Lambert, the Steeler’s middle linebacker, said they should put dresses on all the quarterbacks because they were so protected.
Here, we have a premium prescription this week from the cable company for free, and these new channels show classic games. Let me show you what the NFL was like in the 1970s. This game involves the Oakland Raiders and the New England Patriots.
C.: The who now?
d.: That’s right. You don’t know about the nomadic team now called the “Las Vegas Raiders.” They originally played in Oakland, then got a better deal from L.A., so they moved to Los Angeles. Then, Oakland wooed them back by building them a new stadium, so they moved back to Oakland. After that, Las Vegas built a better stadium and offered them more money, so they moved there.
C.: It sounds like a group of opportunists ran the team.
d.: They did. That description might fit the football team as well. Watch this game.
The Raiders defensive backfield has laid down the law: NO MORE RUNNING WITH THE BALL!!
C.: d.c., isn’t that hit illegal? It looks like he just dropkicked that guy through the goalposts of life! And who is number thirty-one? He plays like a maniac! And number thirty-four is almost as bad. Why does number thirty-seven have stickum all over his uniform? Isn’t that illegal? And who’s smoking on the sidelines?!
d.: Number thirty-one is Jack “They Call Me Assassin” Tatum. Back then, those hits were legal. George Atkinson, Assassin’s running buddy is number thirty-four. They were the two hardest hitting safeties who ever played the game of football. Atkinson was almost as bad as Assassin, but, at least, he’s still alive, Assassin isn’t.
Lester Hayes is number thirty-seven, a converted Texas A&M linebacker who was the original “lockdown corner.” Stickum was legal back then, as well as the “bump-and-run” coverage he employed. His excessive use of stickum has kept him out of the Football Hall of Fame, though, I think. I believe that’s b.s., because those gloves receivers wear now are really tacky…
C.: I think they look sharp.
d.: No, I mean sticky. My sons had some, but only one of my sons elected to use them.
The guy smoking on the sidelines is Fred Biletnikoff. He was such a good receiver that they named an award after him. The best college receiver receives the Biletnikoff Award.
C.: Is he still alive?
d.: Amazingly, yes. He’s now eighty years old. Back then, everyone smoked. The locker rooms were filled with smoke at halftime. IDK how they played so well, but I’ve played pickup basketball games against some smokers who were amazing athletes. I thought their smoking and my asthma would make for an even playing field, but they seemed to outlast me.
C.: Oh no! That guy isn’t getting up! Is he dead! The way the Assassin hit him, he must be!
d.: That’s Darryl Stingley. That hit probably went a long way to change the rules. Stingley lived for twenty-nine years as a partial quadraplegic after that hit but sadly died of pneumonia in 2007.
C.: Okay, I’ve had enough of this game. Let's watch another one.
d.: Okay, we’ll go to the 1980s, then. This game involves the New York Giants and the Washington Redskins..er the Commanders now. The Giant's defense, led by all-world outside linebacker Lawrence Taylor was top-ranked, but the Commanders had a potent offense led by their quarterback, Joe Theismann and running back John Riggins. Their offensive line was known as “The Hogs.” They were really good, too.
C.: What happened to Thiesmann’s leg?!
d.: That’s called a compound fracture, Cal.E.
C.: This is disturbing! The bone is protruding through the skin! d.c., turn off the continuous loop! I don’t want to watch this anymore! Even Lawrence Taylor, who made that hit, is upset! Why do you keep showing it?!
d.: I’m not. The network did that. I’ll find a Super Bowl to watch. Back to the ‘70s.
C.: Hey, I know that guy. That’s the broadcaster Terry Bradshaw.
d.: Yes. Before he was a commentator, he was a Hall-of Fame caliber quarterback. He had two Hall-of -Fame receivers, a great running back and a steller O-line.
C.: The Steeler’s offensive line held up on that play, but the defense finally got to Bradshaw..no! He’s flat on his back and he just completed a fifty-yard touchdown pass to number Eighty-eight! Who is he?
d.: Lynn Swann.
C.: The commentator?
d.: Before that he held that job, he was a Hall-of- Fame caliber wide receiver. He and John Stallworth, his running buddy, are both in the Hall-of Fame. Bradshaw and the Steelers won four Super Bowls in six years, mainly because of their offensive line.
C.: Why aren’t any of them commentators, d.c.?
d.: Because they're all dead.
C.: Why?
d.: Well, back then, steroids weren’t exactly illegal. They were legal with a prescription, but the NFL banned them. However, they didn’t do much testing for them. The steroids probably shortened many of these player’s lives, but they were real men playing a real sport, just like I used to. Sure, we had a lot of concussions. Terry Bradshaw, in the Super Bowl we just watched, was said to have had four concussions in that game, but he kept coming back into the game. They would let you do that back then. Fortunately,I’ve only had two concussions (that I know of). We're both fine, though.
C.: I can see why the NFL was called “Not For Long.” Now, it’s time for today’s game.
d.: Game? What game?
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