d.: Cal.E has snuck her cell phone into the human kennel. Unbeknownst to the security staff, she’s shooting a video. Unfortunately, laws prohibit me from showing that video to you. However, I am able to let you listen to the soundtrack, as long as you promise not to reveal a word of it to anyone else. Let’s listen to the soundtrack.
C.: My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, dad"
"You know I'm gonna be like you"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then
My son turned ten just the other day
He said, thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw, I said-a, not today
I got a lot to do, he said, that's okay
And he, he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
It said, I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then
Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and they said with a smile
What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
You know we'll have a good time then
I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, if I can find the time
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
We're gonna have a good time then
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Harry F. Chapin / Sandy Chapin
Cat's in the Cradle lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Songtrust Ave, Warner Chappell Music, Inc
Whew, singing helps the time go by faster, but that song is a tearjerker! Anyway, here I am at cell 101. My order says that this inmate should be out of here at seven thirty. That will make it easier to clean his cell. What time is it now? It’s seven-twenty-nine. Maybe he went one minute early to his medical appointment…maybe not. Nancy the (censored, I’ll substitute “not a nice person” for the word Cal.E. and the prisoners use for this security guard.)
Inmate: Hey, Nancy the not a nice person. I have a medical appointment at seven thirty. I need to get out of my cell!
Nancy: Your appointment isn’t until seven-thirty. It’s only seven twenty-nine and thirty seconds. I’ll let you out when my watch says it’s time. Why are you going back to medical today? You were just in there yesterday.
I.: I have another appointment. It’s for my left big toe.
N.: Didn’t you get your big toe looked at yesterday by a specialist? Why are you going back today?
I.: That was for my right big toe, this appointment is for my left big toe. Now you’ve had me locked up for five minutes past time for my appointment. I'll miss the specialist and will need to reschedule for the next time she comes to this facility!
N.: (These specialty medical appointments have gotten out of hand!) Relax, she never gets here until eight-thirty. You’ll be fine.
C.: Now, if Nancy the not a nice person will get out of my way, I’ll be able to clean this cell while the inmate is at his medical appointment. I wish she could speak Catonese because I think me speaking English to her may be a shock to her system. I’ll just try to use sign language to make her understand.
N.: That wasn’t very nice, cat! I know cat sign language. That was a nasty gesture you just made! I’m going to write you up!
C.: (Yeah, yeah. And it will go on my permanent record, just like in obedience school. Getting written up almost every day in obedience school didn’t deter me from becoming a queen-which is how female cats are identified on this planet) or getting this job. Nancy the not a nice person is just wasting her time, and mine as a result.) There, all finished, and the inmate hasn’t even made it to medical yet. Hey, what’s this? It looks like catnip, but has a really bad odor. I guess that’s why the inmate hid it under his bed, so no one would know where that odor was coming from when he ate his catnip. I wonder what it tastes like. Oh, wow! It tastes worse than it smells! Maybe that was just the first bite. I’ll try another, and another, and another, and….
Tune in tomorrow folks, and see how Cal.E. reacts to human catnip.
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