C.: I have a very special guest today on Cal.E.’s Korner. Ladies and gentlemen (and all you animals listening) please help me welcome Mr. Justin Case.
C.: Mr. Case, I understand you have an interesting job. Can you elaborate on it?
JC: Yes, thank you for the warm introduction, Ms. Kat. I’m the backup quarterback for the replacement Texans. (heavy sigh).
C.: What’s wrong, Mr. Case, do you have a case of the blues?
JC.: Yes. This is one of those days, I suppose-the bad ones. Then, there are the other days- the worse ones.
C.: Do you suffer from clinical depression?
JC.: No, I’m just disappointed that my team didn’t make it to the Super Bowl this year (or any other year, and for the foreseeable future. We really should have never traded the G.O.A.T., David Carr..
C.: I see. Well, as the backup quarterback for the replacement Texans, you probably wouldn’t have seen the field, Mr. Case., even if the Texans had defied all odds and made it to the Super Bowl this year.
JC. I do see the field, Ms. Kat, at every Texans game, from my seat in the stands (as long as I pay for a ticket).
C.: I see. Can you tell me how much your position pays?
JC.: Less than unemployment. That’s why I got a second job.
C.; What’s your second job?
JC: I work at NASA—
C.: As a janitor, or something along those lines, I suppose?
JC.: No, I’m an engineer.
C.: So, your second job is as an aerospace engineer? I find that hard to believe. Quickly, what’s two plus two?
JC.: Four, and that multiplied by itself to the third power is 64…
C.: I can’t count that high, so I’ll take your word for it. Let me ask you another question. “If a train leaves Chicago at six traveling at thirty miles per hour, and another train leaves New York at eight traveling at sixty miles per hour on the same track, at what time and in what city will the two trains crash?”
JC.: At eight a.m., in Pittsburgh. The combined speed would be ninety miles per hour, so there would be no survivors of this fatalistic crash.
C.: Let me look up the answer on my phone…yes, that’s correct. So, I take it you make calculations for NASA concerning the speed the aircraft needs to break the earth’s gravitational pull?
JC: I did, but I’m on paid administrative leave right now.
C.: Why is that?
JC: It was due to an unfortunate incident with a test spacecraft…
C.: What happened?
JC. A neighborhood dog somehow got onboard and commandeered the controls. As he was leaving the earth’s atmosphere, he typed, “So long, suckers, I’m headed for HTRAE. Signed, Dr. Buddy Bones,” into the ship’s computer. That was a smart dog!
C.: Would said dog be a black and tan mixed breed, of average build, about twenty-five to thirty pounds, with floppy ears and a goofy expression on his face?
JC: Yes. And the strangest thing is that he sends us messages on our computer, asking if you’re still alive. Unfortunately, I can’t access the NASA computer because I was the scapegoat for this incident. That’s why I’m on administrative leave. I can email one of my coworkers, though, and ask him to relay a message. What would you like for me to say?
C.: That’s all the time we have for today folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
This blog post was dedicated to the memory of my family’s mascot, Buddy Bones. Buddy passed away peacefully in his sleep, a few weeks before his fourteenth birthday, as far as we know. He was a shelter rescue dog, so we don’t know exactly when he was born, but it was in the Spring, according to the vet at the kennel. Rest in peace, Buddy. You will be missed.