Ever since I was a young boy I played the silver ball From Soho down to Brighton I must have played them all But I ain't seen nothing like him in any amusement hall That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean pinball
He stands like a statue, becomes part of the machine Feeling all the bumpers, always playing clean He plays by intuition, the digit counters fall That dumb cat sure adds a mean pinball
He's a pinball wizard, there has to be a twist A pinball wizard's got such a supple wrist (How do you think he does it) I don't know (What makes him so good)
Ain't got no distractions, can't hear no buzzes or bells Don't see lights a-flashing, he plays by sense of smell Always has a replay, never tilts at all That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean pinball
He can't beat me now I've always been the champ I know every trick No freak's gonna beat my hand
Even on my favourite table, he can beat my best His disciples lean him in and he just does the rest He's got crazy flipper fingers, I've never seen him fall That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean pinball
He's a pinball wizard, there has to be a twist A pinball wizard's got such a supple wrist
He's a pinball wizard, he's scoring even more A pinball wizard for the girls who dig pinball lore He's scoring more He's scoring more
I thought I was the Bally table king But I just handed my pinball crown to him To him To him!
Songwriters: Pete Townshend. For non-commercial use only
C.: So, pinball, as well as pool, is just a matter of geometry. Finding the right angle is what’s called for. Okay, Tom you owe me, forty-six thousand, two hundred eighty-two dollars and forty-six cents, give or take a tenth of a penny.
TTT: I’ll have my accountant draft you a check and send it by mail. It should be to your’s and Tucker’s house by the end of the decade.
C.: If you want, you can just give it to your and Tucker’s charity, Pet without Parents. I don’t need to money, I just enjoy the competition and the chance to do math in my head.
Okay, now, I’ll need to use my new super power to help d.c. Let’s see, at his salary, and with his book sales, with his and Eudora’s spending habits, hmm. Is that correct? Yes, I’ve run the figures three times in my head. I must call d.c. and let him know (ring)
d.: Hello?
C.: d.c., do you know that, if you maintain your current spending habits, at your and Eudora’s salary, figuring in a minimum of two percent inflation compounded annually, you and Eudora will be broke by the year 2063?
d.: Cal.E, I’ll be one hundred years old in 2063. I don’t think that I’ll live that long.
C.: How old is your father, d.c.?
d. He’s ninety-five, and my mom will be ninety-one soon. .Neither one is in poor health. And Eudora is five years younger than I am. Hmm… maybe I should call Elac and make sure that Cal.E.’s figures are correct.
She’s a math genius, so she should be able to give me accurate information. (ring).
ELAC: What’s that noise? Shut up, ringy-thingy! Now, where’s my catnip? (ring). Oh, man, what do you want?
d.: ELAC?
E.: Yea, the last time I checked (hehe). Whoever this is, I don’t have time for this. I’m looking for something.. now, what was I doing?
d.: ELAC, are you feeling alright?
E.: I’m fine, or I will be, as soon as I find my catnip. Now, where did I put it?
d.: (Wow, this is a strange turn of events. Cal.E. is now a math genius, and ELAC has succumbed to the evils of catnip.). I’m sorry to have disturbed you, ELAC, but, maybe you need some help.
E.: You’re darn tootin’ I need some help. I had a whole packet of catnip, and now I can’t find any of it. Now, where could it be…bleah. I think I just found it, d.c. I’m going to go lie down for a while. Do you mind if I call you back when I feel a little better?
d.: Not at all. Call me, and I’ll take you to a Catnipper Anonymous meeting. It really helped Cal.E when she agreed to do that. She was just trying to get out of The Kennel by making a deal, but it turned out well for her.
E.: That might be a good idea, d.c. I’ll see you soon.
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