How much is that doggie in the window?
The one with the waggly tail
How much is that doggie in the window?
I do hope that doggie's for sale
I must take a trip to California
And leave my poor sweetheart alone
If he has a dog, he won't be lonesome
And the doggie will have a good home
How much is that doggie in the window?
The one with the waggly tail
How much is that doggie in the window?
I do hope that doggie's for sale
I read in the papers there are robbers
With flashlights that shine in the dark
My love needs a doggie to protect him
And scare them away with one bark
I don't want a bunny or a kitty
I don't want a parrot that talks
I don't want a bowl of little fishies
He can't take a goldfish for a walk
How much is that doggie in the window?
The one with the waggly tail
How much is that doggie in the window?
I do hope that doggie's for sale
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Bob Merrill
(How Much Is) That Doggie in the Window? lyrics © Music & Media Int'l, Inc
C.: Hey, d.c., Tucker went out to find a Houston newspaper, so I have a few minutes to talk.
d.: Oh, do you need some advice about the birds and the bees, Cal.E.? (hehe)
C.: Hardly. I have fourteen kittens, remember? No, I just wanted to ask how Tucker and I can be good at being an old, boring married couple when we get back to Houston.
d.: Why would you want to ask me that? How would I know?
C.: Well, you’ve had plenty of experience with it, and you’re really good at it, from what I can see. Tucker and I just want to settle down and be complacent, like you and Eudora are.
d.: I’d love to help you out, Cal.E., but, right now, I’m busy looking for my computer.
C.: Why do you need your computer, d.c.?
d.: Well, after my sixtieth birthday, I went and saw all my doctors…
C.: All seven hundred of them?
d.: No, it’s only six, no seven, no, wait,..anyway, when I got through with all my doctor’s appointments, which took six weeks, Eudora went to the bank and gathered a stack of papers that start, “in case of death.” I want to sign them and attach them to an email to our lawyer...
C.: And you’re not worried?
d.: Should I be?
C.: ???! Well, anyway, Tucker’s back from looking for the Houston newspaper, so I’ll let you look for your computer.
d.: Now, where would I be if I were a computer? I need to think like a computer. I need to become the computer to find it. One, zero, one, zero, zero; no that doesn’t help. Where was the last place I had it?
I commandeered d.c.'s computer to writer his and Cal.E.'s blog, but I'm doing it incognito. I'll do such a good job, disguised as their new puppy a.k.a. me, write the blog permanently. Then, I’ll be paid in food and rent, and I’ll have a place to stay while I’m back on my home planet. It’s a foolproof plan! Okay, here goes.
Puppy Patter
by T. Puppy Kat. (Yes, that’s it. I’ll say that Cal.E. let me use her last name because she isn’t using it anymore, now that she’s remarried.)
Well, it looks as if our next door neighbor, the Mitchells, have a new cat, or, make that had a new cat. I saw her in my backyard, so I chased her down the street and into the next neighborhood… ELAC, what are you doing here?
E.: I came to save the planet from an invasion by Meow Z. Tongue. What are you doing here, Dr. Buddy Bones?
BB.: I’m not Buddy Bones, he’s hurtling through space. I’m Horace and Hortense’s new adorable puppy, T. Puppy Kat.
E.: Oh, for the love of cat! You’re not a poodle, standard or otherwise. You didn’t even try to dress up and disguise yourself. Why did you think that I wouldn’t recognize you, after we worked together for so long?
BB: Do you mean like this?
A better question is, “Why did you purposefully miscalculate the bearings for Earth when I was trying to come here and commandeer all of Earth’s natural resources”?
E.: I think you may have answered your own question. How did you override the auto-pilot and land safely on Earth?
BB.: I tried, but I couldn’t override the auto-pilot. I missed the Earth’s gravitational pull by micrometers and was hurtling through space, never to be seen or heard from again, when a rocket’s pull sucked me into the Earth’s gravitational pull. It was headed in the direction of the Planet of the Talking Cats, but it pulled me into Earth’s gravitational pull first, just as my rocket ship was running out of fuel. I landed safely, but not softly, in the Gulf of Mexico, and I dog-paddled to shore. Then, after I rested, I used my sense of direction and found my old home. When I got here, I found that I had been replaced, mere months after I’d disappeared. What’s wrong with these people?! Didn’t they want to grieve me for years, if not decades?
E.: Dr. Bones, even though you’re a young dog on HTRAE, where we both came from, you're at an advanced age here on Earth. Your mom and dad knew that you wouldn’t be here long, so they spoiled you rotten during your last few months on Earth. It will shock both of them if they see you, so you’d better hide, if you don’t want your former owners to faint and maybe die when they get back from their cruise.
BB: You’re being overly dramatic, ELAC. They will be so glad to see me that they’ll probably go buy a bag of premium kibble for me. I’ll then resume my life of lying on the couch and their bed, sleeping twenty hours a day. Mom and Dad will be so happy to see me that they’ll take their new puppy back where she came from. I don’t know how much they paid for her, but I hope they get all their money back for her. Then I’ll…
E.: Well, that’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
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