ng from POTTC care a million to one, he said
The chances of anything coming from POTTC are a million to one...
No one would have believed In the third decade of the twenty-first century That human affairs were being watched from the timeless worlds of space No one could have dreamed that we were being scrutinized As someone with a microscope studies creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water Few men even considered the possibility of life on other planets And yet, across the gulf of space Minds immeasurably superior to ours Regarded this Earth with envious eyes And slowly and surely, they drew their plans against us At midnight, on the 12th of August A huge mass of luminous gas erupted from POTTC and sped towards Earth Across two hundred million miles of void, invisibly hurtling towards us Came the first of the missiles that were to bring so much calamity to Earth As I watched, there was another jet of gas It was another missile, starting on its way And that's how it was for the next ten nights A flare, spurting out from Mars. Bright green, drawing a green mist behind it, a beautiful, but somehow disturbing sight Ogilvy, the astronomer, assured me we were in no danger. He was convinced there could be no living thing on that remote, forbidding planet "The chances of anything coming from POTTC are a million to one" he said "The chances of anything coming from POTTC are a million to one" But still they come! Then came the night the first missile approached Earth It was thought to be an ordinary falling star But the next day there was a huge crater in the middle of the Common, and Ogilvy came to examine what lay there A cylinder, thirty yards across, glowing hot, and with faint sounds of movement coming from within. Suddenly the top began moving, rotating, unscrewing And Ogilvy feared there was a man inside trying to escape. He rushed to the cylinder but the intense heat stopped him before he could burn himself on the metal "Yes, the chances of anything coming from POTTC are a million to one" he said "The chances of anything coming from POTTC are a million to one" But still they come! It seems totally incredible to me now that everyone spent that evening as though it were just like any other From the railway station came the sound of shunting trains, ringing and rumbling Softened almost into melody by the distance It all seemed so safe and tranquil
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Jeff Wayne The Eve of the War lyrics © Jeff Wayne Music Publishing Ltd.
C.: d.c., it’s August 12, and he’s coming at midnight, so I need you to do me a favor.
d.: Who, what, when, where?
C.: Meow Z. Tongue, he’s coming for The Planet of the Talking Cats to destroy the world, at midnight tonight, starting with my wedding to Tucker Tucker Two at Dodger Stadium.
d.: What now?!
C.: He came to me yesterday, wanting my help to wipe out every life form on Earth, starting with every cat in the world. He wanted me to move the ceremony to Dodger Stadium. He said that would be large enough to hold every cat in the world, and he would have no use for it when he came and took over the planet. He said that once all of the intelligent life on this planet was destroyed, he’d come and kill the rest of us!
d.: So, what do you want me to do to help you avoid this, Cal.E.?
C.: First, you need to get certified as clergy by the Unitarian Church, then, we’ll go from there. I’ll fill you in on the details later. Right now, just do as I’ve asked.
d.: I have just one question, Cal.E.
C.: What’s that?
d.: Well, you said Meow Z. Tongue is coming at midnight to destroy the Earth on August twelth. Now, is that midnight after 11:59:59 p.m. on August eleventh or is it midnight after 11:59:59 pm on August Twelfth?
C.??!! It hasn’t happened yet, so, obviously, it’s after 11:59:59 p.m. tonight, and I need you to marry Tucker and me before that happens. That way, we won’t be burdened down by a ceremony, and can concentrate on fighting the Evil Empire.
d.: You’re going to fight the New York Yankees at Dodger Stadium?
C.: This is serious, d.c. I know that I’ve been a bit unreliable in the past, but Tucker has changed me. He’s agreed, as the five-time cat fighting heavyweight champion of the world, to come out of retirement and join forces with me and my thirty-third cousin twice removed, ELAC, my direct opposite, to help us fight the POTTC army that Meow is bringing with him. Since ELAC is a black belt in every martial art, as well as an expert marksman with a rifle, she’ll be a valuable asset to us. Even though she’s a pacifist, she’s agreed to help us for the greater good.
d.: Okay, Cal.E. If ELAC and Tucker are convinced you’re telling the truth, then I am, too. I’ll get certified ASAP and we can conduct the ceremony at my house.
C.: There’s just one thing that you need to know, d.c.
d.: What is it., Cal.E.?
C.: Well, ELAC wouldn’t agree to fight Meow and his army unless I let her be the matron of honor. We need a witness, anyway, to legalize our union in Texas, so I agreed to let her be my matron of honor. Please make sure that she makes it to your house before the ceremony starts, or we’ll lose our most valuable fighter.
d.: Will do, Cal.E.
Later that same day,
d.: Okay, do you, Tucker Tucker Two, five time heavyweight cat fighting champion of the world and meowionnaire,
a.k.a. The Tuxedo, enforcer for the Triple T Cat Cartel and Tom the Tabby’s number one henchman, take this queen to be your lawfully wedded queen, to have and to hold…
d.: okay, Tucker, I get it. You're looking at the clock, so I guess I need to rush this along. Tucker, do you want to marry Cal.E.?
Tux.: I do.
d.: And do you want to marry him, Cal.E.?
C.: I do.
d.: Okay, you’re married.
C.: Now, we need to get organized to fight the Evil Empire… ELAC, what are you doing?
E.: I have a surprise for you, Cal.E. I brought your band to play so that you and Tucker can have the first dance as a married couple.
C.: There’s no time for that, ELAC.
E.: Well, if you won’t do this for me, I don’t think I want to be a part of your little war!
C.; Oh, for cat’s sake. I can’t lose my best fighter, so one dance won’t hurt, I suppose.
Okay, strike up the band and we'll do the jittebug.
Meanwhile, in a galaxy not so far away…
Meow Z. Tongue: Okay, soldiers, it’s time to attack planet earth. Hup, two three four…what is that awful noise?!! I don’t have my earplugs, and there’s an unbearable noise coming from the planet we’re about to attack!! I can’t take it! Abort mission! We’ll find another planet to plunder for all its resources. Cal.E. wins! Earth will survive. My sensitive ears can’t take that awful racket!
d.: Well, the earth was saved by the RoCKats caterwauling once again. We’re safe… for now.
Comments