Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am Make a piece in your master game plan Free from the earthly temptation below I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Bring on the brothers who've gone on before And all of the sisters who've knocked at your door All the departed, dear loved ones of mine And stick 'em up front in the offensive line
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Yeah, dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Paul Charles Craft
Dropkick Me Jesus lyrics © Screen Gems-emi Music Inc., Black Sheep Music
ELAC: Well, we made it to the Houston Ship Channel in less than twenty-four hours!
C.: Just barely. We made it in twenty-three hours, fifty-nine minutes, and fifty-nine seconds.
E.: No thanks to you. You slept through our trip through the Panama Canal, and I had to do all the paddling. I don’t think I want to be a part of your wedding anymore. I mean, look how hard those longshoremen are working. YOu could take a lesson from them!
C.: ( When did I ever ask her to be a part of my wedding?) Well, that’s just fine with me! I needed my beauty rest before I tried on my wedding gown to make sure that it still fit. I want to look my best for the store personnel at the store where I have it stored when I go try it on.
E.: Well, good luck getting back to the other side of Houston without my help! I just called a ride share for me, but I’m not going to pay for a lazy cat like you to ride in the same car with me! Good day, Cal.E.!
C.: Well, that’s just fine, because I can get back home without your help! (I think). I know that Mom and Dad are on yet another cruise, piling up the frequent boating miles, but I think that d.c. is off work from the kennel today. “d.c., it’s me Cal.E., and I need your help.”
d.: What can I do for you, my fine feline friend, on this usually warm day in the Greater Houston, as well as also Southeast Texas area, and the United States as a whole, if not the entire Northern Hemisphere?
C.: Well, I need a ride back home. You see, I’ve decided to marry Tucker Tucker Two, after all; And, well, I had a fight with my thirty-third cousin twice removed, ELAC, my direct opposite, had a misunderstanding, and she’s left me at the Houston Ship Channel. I know it’s a long way from your house, so, if you’ll just pick me up here, and then take me to try on my wedding dress to make sure it still fits, you can consider it your wedding present to me, deal?
d.: That sounds reasonable, Cal.E. Just let me stop by the bank and take out a loan. My truck is one-half empty, so I’ll need extra funds to get to the other side of Houston.
(Much) later that same day…
C.: d,c, since it took you so long to get here, I’ll need you to take me directly to the store where I have my wedding dress stored. Then, if you would please take me home, I would appreciate it greatly.
d.: Well, Cal.E., I got here as quickly as I could, after I took a nap, went to the gym and worked out for three hours, had a good meal, took another nap, and then went to the bank and talked to the loan officer for five hours. Then, I had to fill my truck up with gas. That took another hour and one-half.
C.: Okay, well, you did the best you could do, I suppose. I just need you to tell me how I look in my wedding dress. I may need to go on a two day fast before the wedding if my dress is too tight.
Later, at the store
C.: This dress seems a little tight. Do you think it makes me look fat, d.c.?
d.: No, not at all.
C.: So, you’re saying that it’s not the dress, that I’m fat?!
d.: Er,,, (ring) Oh, I must take this call, it’s very important. “Yes, I really would like to talk to someone about changing the provider for my cell phone when my contract expires ten years from now. No, I haven’t been completely satisfied with my carrier. Their employees keep calling me and asking me how they can improve my service. I find that very annoying and, hold on. (Cal.E, I need to take this outside. I don’t hear very well, and I’m having a hard time hearing what this person is trying to tell me).
C.: (heavy sigh). I suppose I’m on my own, now that I’ve lost d.c. and ELAC is furious with me…Meow Z. Tongue, what are you doing here? Are you here to drop kick me through the goalposts of life?
Meow: Well, I…
E.: Well, that’s all the time we have for today, folks. I simply must find a dress to wear to the cat wedding of the century. I think that Cal.E. may ask me to be her matron of honor, and I want to be properly prepared for that.
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