Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am Make a piece in your master game plan Free from the earthly temptation below I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Bring on the brothers who've gone on before And all of the sisters who've knocked at your door All the departed, dear loved ones of mine And stick 'em up front in the offensive line
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Yeah, dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Paul Charles Craft
Dropkick Me Jesus lyrics © Screen Gems-emi Music Inc., Black Sheep Music
E.: We’ll commandeer the head monk’s moped and ride it across the ocean to the United States.
C.: The Specific Ocean?
E.: The Pacific Ocean: Pa-ci-fic
C.: I know that you’re a pacifist, ELAC, but right now, I need to get home to my fiancé, Tucker Tucker Two. And there’s a big body of water between him and me. Specifically, the largest ocean on this planet. Besides, how are we going to ride a moped across this large body of water, and get back to Houston?
E.: Well, when we get to the water, we’ll convert the moped into a paddle boat. The head monk won’t be needing it for a while since you tricked him into looking for a nonexistent drowning cat when you threw your voice to the river where he was washing clothes so that you could watch the Astros game on his large screen television and lay on his bed while eating chips and queso while you watched yet another Astros’ win.
We’ll paddle around Central America when we get to it and go through the Panama Canal. By my estimation, we should be in the ship channel in Houston within the next twenty-four hours! (Impossible? Yes, I know it is. But if Marry Poppins can use an umbrella to fly, two cats can cross the Pacific Ocean in a moped converted to a paddle boat in twenty-four hours.)
C.: Okay, I’m not a mechanic, but if you’ll show me what I need to do, I’ll help you convert the moped into a paddle boat.
E.: All you must do, Cal.E., is believe. What I must do, though, is calculate wind and ocean currents and make sure that we’re in the correct place at the right time. If we are, the wind should drop kick us right to where need to be. because we’ll have a tail wind the whole way if I do my math correctly.
C.: So, do we need to leave soon?
E.: Yes.
C.: Like now?
E.: No, not yet.
C.: How about now?
E.: No, not yet.
C.; Now?
E.: No.
C.: Well, if you’ll let me know when we need to leave, I’ll just be taking my afternoon catnap…
E.: Now!!! GO! GO! GO! GO!
C.: Would you like to ride in my beautiful balloon? Would you like to ride in my beautiful balloon? We could float among the stars together, you and I For we can fly (we can fly) Up, up and away My beautiful, my beautiful balloon
No, wait, that’s the wrong song. We’re not flying, we’re paddling across the Specific Ocean.
E.: The Pa-ci-fic Ocean, Cal.E.
C.: It will be pa-the-tic for us if I don’t get back in time to wed Tucker by the weekend…
E.: So, a popular singer is going to perform your matrimonial ceremony?
C.: No, Tucker rented out the KC Hall in Columbus this Saturday. He sprung for the whole venue, not just the alley behind it, because he could afford it. He’s a meowionaire.
My band, the RoCKats, is going to be the entertainment for the reception.
E.: How did you get in touch with Tucker, since we didn’t have access to our phones?
C.: He sent me a message in a bottle, message in a bottle,
E.: Okay, Sting, we’ve got to get there quickly, then, so you’ll be able to try on your wedding dress and make sure it still fits you. If it does, you’ll need to go to the rehearsal dinner on Friday night after the rehearsal. We have a million things to do, so paddle faster.
C.: (WE have a million things to do? I don’t remember inviting my thirty-third cousin, twice removed, to be a part of my wedding ceremony, but I may not make it in time if I tell her that.) Okay, ELAC, whatever you say. We should hit the Houston Ship Channel about this time tomorrow, then, right?
E.: There’s not time for small talk. We must paddle as fast as we can! We need to get back to Houston quickly! Paddle, paddle, paddle!
C.: ( suppose absolute power does corrupt absolutely, especially when one is at sea with Captain Bligh!)
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