That's great, it starts with an earthquake
Birds and snakes, and aeroplanes
And Lenny Bruce is not afraid
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn
World serves its own needs
Don't mis-serve your own needs
Speed it up a notch, speed, grunt, no, strength
The ladder starts to clatter
With a fear of height, down, height
Wire in a fire, represent the seven games
And a government for hire and a combat site
Left her, wasn't coming in a hurry
With the Furies breathing down your neck
Team by team, reporters baffled, trumped, tethered, cropped
Look at that low plane, fine, then
Uh oh, overflow, population, common group
But it'll do, save yourself, serve yourself
World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed
Tell me with the Rapture and the reverent in the right, right
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam fight, bright light
Feeling pretty psyched
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine
Six o'clock, T.V. hour, don't get caught in foreign tower
Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn
Lock him in uniform, book burning, bloodletting
Every motive escalate, automotive incinerate
Light a candle, light a motive, step down, step down
Watch your heel crush, crush, uh oh
This means no fear, cavalier, renegade and steering clear
A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies
Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline
It's the end of the world as we know it (I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (time I had some time alone)
I feel fine (I feel fine)
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (time I had some time alone)
The other night I drifted nice continental drift divide
Mountains sit in a line, Leonard Bernstein
Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs
Birthday party, cheesecake, jellybean, boom
You symbiotic, patriotic, slam but neck, right, right
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (time I had some time alone)
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: John Michael Stipe / Michael E. Mills / Peter Lawrence Buck / William Thomas Berry
It’s the End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine) lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
C.: Oh boo hoo hoo, boo hoo hoo
ELAC.: What is it Cal.E., are you afraid that the head monk has drowned, looking for a nonexistent drowning cat, and you’re responsible for his death; since you threw your voice to the river while he was washing clothes? And you did that just because you wanted to watch your favorite team play a silly game of baseball, and you wanted to watch the game on the head monk’s large screen T.V.? And, since we’re forbidden to watch any T.V. or listen to any radio music, other than the monastery’s band, the Monk Keys, who are called that because they all play the keyboard, you knew that you must trick the head monk to be able to do this? And that we’ll be kicked out of the monastery for your selfish actions? And that, after we’re kicked out of here, we’ll be caught by members of your ex-fiance's cartel, Triple T Cartel, brought back to Houston to be tortured and killed, thus ending our existence and ending our world?
C.: No.
E.: Or are you crying because the head monk’s a Los Angeles Dodgers fan, and that team just re-acquired Joe Kelley at the trade deadline? And you’re afraid that he’ll throw a pitch at your favorite player, Alex Bregman’s head and end his career, much like former Astro shortstop Dickie Thon when he got beaned in the head, because he’s a pathetic loser who only knows how to win by intimidation? The player who, your best human friend, d.c. scot, thinks must be the baseball commissioner, Rob (He is NOT a )Man,Fred’s, illegitimate son? He thinks that because all of MLB was warned not to throw at the Astros’ players who testified in the sign stealing scandal and only got an eight game suspension, when he should have been banned from baseball for life? The Joe Kelley who tries to deflect attention from the fact that he earned his World Series ring with a team that was caught cheating twice; and their cheating started a league-wide investigation into electronic sign-stealing that MLB basically encouraged by letting players review their at bats for that game on a television monitor while the game was still being played?
C.: No.
E.: Then, are you afraid that the war between Russia and the Ukraine will start the third world war, since every nation in the world has basically picked sides in what should be a border skirmish, like “The Great War,” a.k.a. World War 1? Are you afraid that, like the first world war, every nation in the world will join the skirmish between two neighboring nations because of alliance treaties? Are you afraid that the world will be destroyed by war before the year 2100, when all the blue-green algae in the sea will become extinct, leading to a lack of oxygen in the earth’s atmosphere? This oxygen deprivation will lead to the extinction of the human race and all other species in the world within seventy years after all the blue-green algae is destroyed, thus ending the world as we know it? Is that your main concern?
C.: No.
E.: Then, are you afraid that tyrannical governments on this planet will cause war, famine, starvation, pestilence and death, and that the four horsemen of the apocalypse, mentioned by the apostle John in the book of Revelations, the last book in the Holy Bible, will destroy the world?
C.: No.
E.: Then, what, pray tell, are you so upset about?
C.: I miss Tucker.
E.: You mean the cat that is the five-time heavyweight cat fighting champion of the world, who uses his skills as a cat fighter to enforce his and Tom the Tabby’s will on other cats for the “Triple T Cartel,” and extort money for protection from Tucker and other mean cats? The Tucker Tucker Two who sent your two next door neighbor cats, who are members of his and Tom’s cartel, to retrieve you and bring you back to Houston and force you to marry him?
C.: Yes.
E.: Well, there’s just one thing to do then, given our present situation. We’ll…
d.: Well, that’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
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