Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd; Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
I don't care if I never get back. Let me root, root, root for the Astros,
If they don't win, it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game.
Head monk: You two can stay here as long as you like. I noticed that you’re cats, and we
have a real rodent problem here at the monastery. If you two will keep the rats and mice at
bay, you two can stay here as long as you’d like to.
ELAC: Oh, dear. I’m afraid that I have a problem. You see, I’m a peace-loving, pacifistic,
vegan cat who doesn’t believe in harming other animals unless they’re trying to harm
another animal.
HM. Well, look at this! A rat chewed off one of the arms of my robe, and now, I’m exposed!
ELAC: Oh, dear, we can’t let you walk around with that body part exposed. Shoulders and
arms, as well as elbows are offensive to some on my planet, so I’m in!
C.: Well, I’ll need more than mice and rats to eat, although that does sound good. It’s like
an all-I-can eat buffet. However, I noticed a satellite antenna on the roof of the monastery.
Since y’all aren’t supposed to watch any television, I won’t rat you out about it if I can
watch all of the MLB games.
H.M.: No.
C.: All of the Astros' games?
H.M.: No
C.: All the Astros’ home games?
H.M.: No.
C.: All the Astros’ away games?
H.M.: No.
C.: Well, since the Astros re-acquired Justin Verlander, we should be the odds-on favorite
to win the World Series. I don’t need to watch all the drama of the regular season. It will be
boring watching the Astros pound every team in Major League Baseball. How about if I
just watch the Astros win all their playoff series and then the World Series in six games?
H.M.: No. I’m not trying to be mean, it’s just that television isn’t allowed here.
C.: I still accept your offer.
Later that night
H.M.: Ah yes. There’s nothing like watching my favorite team play on this sixty-inch screen
after a hard day of being a monk. “The Astros to win the World Series in six games” my
eye. Everyone knows that, since my favorite team, The Los Angeles Dodgers, got their best relief pitcher back, we’ll win the World Series. Joe Kelly is the best thing since the
invention of padded prayer mats*!
*Disclaimer: this statement is strictly tongue-in-cheek. No one associated with Cal.E.’s Korner, or who lives in Houston, or probably even in all of Texas is a Joe Kelley fan!
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