Zoom zoom zoom zoom
Boom boom boom boom
Here she comes, that Karate Cat
Coming to vanquish the foe with a mighty blow
So don't be afraid anymore
Cause things won't be like they've been before
"Here I come to save the day!"
Thank goodness Karate Cat is on her way
So let the trumpet players play
For Karate Cat is here today!
Here she comes, that Mighty Cat
Just like a bolt from the blue
With a heart that's true
Fighting evil, fighting crime
And always there in the nick of time
Here she comes to save the day!
And she will prove that crime will never pay
So let the trumpet players play
For Karate Cat is here today!
C.: Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s…my cousin from another planet?!
ELAC: Hiya; Crash, Boom, Blam, Bam!
C.: ELAC, you saved my day by knocking out Shon and Big Boy, and just in a nick of time. What took you so long?
E.: Well, first I had to learn martial arts…
C.: Which one?
E.: All of them. Once I committed Earth’s martial arts to my eidetic memory, I had to find enough fuel to get here. The good news is: my calculations were correct. I got here just in time to save you from being kidnapped by those two criminal cats and being taken to the church to marry that awful Tucker Tucker Two…
C.: He’s not that awful. In fact, he’s kind of sweet. And those two “criminal cats” are my next door neighbors, Shon and Big Boy. I think they may have just gotten caught up in a bad situation, along with Tucker. His boss, Tom the Tabby, is the most notorious criminal cat on the face of the earth. He’s an ex-CIA agent that decided to start his own cartel and use the information he gathered from his job to influence politicians and other powerful cats to do his bidding…
E.: What does CIA stand for?
C.: Cats Is Awful! He was supposed to be looking for criminal activities by bad cats, but he turned bad, and he has information on everyone. Tucker is the five-time heavyweight Cat Fighting champion of the world, but Tom has something on him, so Tom made him into his head hench cat and enforcer. They go around and collect protection money from other cats. If those cats don’t pay, Tucker beats them up! Tucker, Shon and Big Boy are under his influence, and they were just following orders, from what I gather.
Besides, ELAC, I thought that you were a vegan, pacifistic, peace-loving cat.
E.: I am, until someone messes with a family member of mine! That’s why I learned all of Earth’s martial arts and committed them to memory. I came to rescue my cousin on earth.
C.: Well, we are thirty-third cousins twice removed, but I guess that still counts. Anyway, you said that you got here in time, and that’s the good news. It is good news, but, usually, when someone says that, there is also bad news. So, let’s hear it.
E.: Well, to get here, I had to commandeer all of the fuel left on my planet. As a result, we won’t be able to fly back to HTRAE.
C.: That is bad news. Are you sure there isn’t any fuel left to take us back to HTRAE?
E.: None, zero, zilch, nada, no sta, nyet, keiner, caput, aucune, išta, nic., intet., niets. I had to coast the last ten thousand furlongs to get here.
C.: Well, I know that you’re a genius, ELAC, so, I suppose you have a plan?
E.: I do. We’ll disguise ourselves as Tibetan Zen Buddhist monks. Since we must take a vow of silence, no one will know that we’re cats. And, the robe we wear will hide our bodies, so we won’t look different from the other monks. We'll eat poi and sleep on a bed of nails. That way, no one will out us and you won’t need to marry Tucker. It’s a foolproof plan!
C.: .....Maybe I can still catch Tucker at the venue. Tuna and catnip every evening is beginning to sound good to me!
d.: Well, that’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner, when we’ll find out if Cal.E. goes back and marries Tucker, or if she’s destined to spend the rest of her life as a Tibetian Zen Budist Monk. And what about Cal.E.’s grammar? Doesn’t she know to use a plural verb with a plural noun? Maybe she should be made to take a vow of silence.
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