Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am Make a piece in your master game plan Free from the earthly temptation below I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Bring on the brothers who've gone on before And all of the sisters who've knocked at your door All the departed, dear loved ones of mine And stick 'em up front in the offensive line
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Yeah, dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Paul Charles Craft
Dropkick Me Jesus lyrics © Screen Gems-emi Music Inc., Black Sheep Music
C.: d.c., you need to come to work right now!
d.: Why are you at work in the middle of the afternoon, Cal.E.?
C.: I couldn’t sleep, and a lot of pets on my cleaning crew are on vacation this month. I decided to come to The Kennel and fill in for a cat on the afternoon shift. I suppose it’s a good thing I did, because an inmate had a seizure while I was cleaning his cell, and no one else here cares!
d.: Cal.E., I know that you’ve worked at The Kennel for a couple of years, but you don’t have any medical training. How do you know that the inmate whose cell you were cleaning was having a seizure?
C.: Because I heard him tell the officer that he was!
d.: And what did the officer say?
C.; He called the medical department and told them what the inmate said. That was several minutes ago, and no one from the medical department has shown up yet. Also, the officer is acting like nothing bad is happening. He’s just going about his business.
d.: Which officer is it?
C.: Officer Smythe.
d.: Now I understand. Officer Smythe has been working at The Kennel for twice as long as I have. He knows if an inmate is having a seizure because he’s worked at The Kennel for so long.
C.: I don’t understand, d.c. You said that I can’t diagnose a seizure because I’m not medically trained, but neither is Officer Smythe!
d.: No, Cal.E., you're wrong about Officer Smythe. First of all, the officers at The Kennel must be trained in CPR to work at The Kennel. Secondly, Officer Smythe has been around so long because he’s seen many things at his job at The Kennel, as well as his other job, as a paramedic!
C.: Okay, the nurses are here, and they’re asking the inmate a lot of questions. Why are they doing that?
d.: To see if he’s oriented. If he doesn’t know who he is, where he is, what time it is, or what happened, he may have had a seizure. People who seize are disoriented for several minutes after the seizure is over. If he can talk and walk now, chances are he didn’t have a seizure.
C.: Do you mean some inmates fake serious medical problems?
d.: Yes, Cal.E., they do. One of the funniest things I’ve seen happen while working at The Kennel was when an older, severely overweight inmate came running down the hallway to the medical department at my old unit. When he got to us, he breathlessly asked us to check his blood pressure. He claimed to be having severe chest pains. He said that he felt as if he had been drop kicked in the chest.
C.: How do you know he wasn’t?
d.: I didn’t, but when an officer walked in thirty seconds later looking for him, we knew he had done something wrong and was looking for an excuse to keep from being punished.
C.: What happened next?
d.: After he had been in the medical department for a few minutes, we took his vital signs and performed an ECG. Even though everything was normal, the provider said to do a blood test anyway.
C.: And did you?
d.: I didn’t. I took a lot of blood at my first unit and can still do it pretty well. You see, medical people in prisons see people like this guy as a way to train inexperienced people how to draw blood. The least experienced nurse drew his blood, and I performed the blood test. Everything checked out normal, but the provider wanted to keep him in the medical department for six hours to perform another blood test.
C.: Did you?
d.: No, I gave the report to the day shift nurse. I’m sure, when she read the report, that she let her least experienced nurse draw his blood. That shenanigan got the inmate out of trouble for a few hours, but I never saw him come back into the medical department again.
C.: So, y’all came up with a way to cure chest pain?
d.: Fake chest pain, anyway.
C.: Well, my break is over, so I must get back to work now. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
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