C.: OMM!! OMM!!
d.: Cal.E. Are you okay?
C.: Yes, d.c. I will just take my mind off the situation by asking myself more unanswerable questions, like, “If stainless steel scalpel blades have an expiration date, why doesn’t stainless steel flatware?” And, “If a train leaves Chicago at eight a.m. traveling at fifty m.p.h. and another train leaves New York at nine a.m. traveling on the same track at sixty m.p.h., at what time and in what city will they crash? And, ”Will there be any survivors?”
(Female voice): Who let all these dogs out?! Boudreaux, Boudreaux, golly, what did you do?
Buddy Bones: I’m sorry, Mommy, please forgive me for biting your nose, but might I say, that IS a lovely stitching job you had done at the E.R.! I took the opportunity, though, to take control of the domain, since Cal.E. and dc. were being so rowdy. To help control the situation, I merely suggested that they go and “find their center” in a quiet place. I did NOT realize that the door would lock…
Mom: Go to the bedroom and lie down until I can deal with you!! Are y’all alright, d.c.? I did NOT know that Buddy Bones would be so “out of control” with us not here. Help me round up the foster animals, please. Dad is still parking the truck…
C.: Heavens to Murgatroyd! What is HE doing here?
Mom: I found this poor kitty on the front stoop. He looked so tired and hungry, I took him in and fed him. Now, he is taking a nap in the spare bedroom.
C.: Pssst. d.c., over here.
d.: What is it, Cal.E.
C.: THAT is T. “The Tuxedo” Tucker Two, Tom the Tabby’s strongman. He is so big that all he must do is sit on a normal-sized cat, and it will break every bone in that cat’s body! He is also a little daffy. I think he is looking for ME!
d.: Why? And what does the “T” stand for?
C.: The “T“ stands for “Tucker.” He is named after his dad. That is why they call him “T. ‘The Tuxedo’ Tucker Two.”
d.: So, his real name is “Tucker Tucker?!”
C.: Yes, Tucker, Tucker Two. He, like his dad, (Tuck. Tucker the First) has tuxedo markings, so they call both he and his dad “Tuxedo”, but THAT’S not what is important right now!
d.: Okay, what’s the problem. Are you in some kind of trouble with “Tom the Tabby?”
C.: Well….
d.: Cal.E. ‘Fess up. What did you do?
C. Do you remember all the money that I “won gambling” during the holidays?
d.: Yes, you paid me back. Thank you for that, but why are you using quotation marks around “won gambling”?
C.: I didn’t so much “win” the money…
d.: Cal.E. Are you in trouble? Do you need a lawyer?
C.: I need to hide! I WOULD have bet on those teams…. IF I had any money. I went to Tom the Tabby’s house, and he and T. were taking a nap. So… I took what I would have won if I had bet on those teams…
d.: They just left the cash laying out? And how did you get into the house if they were napping?
C.: All I found I must do, was pick the front door lock, pick the closet lock, and pick the lock on the lockbox where Tom keeps his cash. It was practically just laying out in plain view. I was able to leave before they awoke and repay you and buy some EXCELLENT catnip…
d.: So, you picked three locks and got out of the house without being seen or heard. Cal.E. are you a “cat burglar” (hehe)? C.: Oh no! “The Tuxedo” is waking up! I need to be…. anywhere but here! I will send you a postcard from the road. Yippeeciyae…
d.: Cal.E., just go. Do NOT quote “Die Hard,” even if it is your favorite movie. I guess that I will be presenting my blog solo from now on (heavy sigh).
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