This blog post is dedicated to all foster and adoptive parents.
THE BIRDS AND THE BEES; THE FACTS OF LIFE ACCORDING TO CAL.E. KAT
C.: Hi, d.c. You got off work on time, for once, didn't you?
d.: Yes, Cal.E. All is well at the kennel on both the animal and the human sides.
C.: Thanks for checking on me. I DO have a question for you, since you ARE a nurse.
d.: What is it, Cal.E.?
C.:: Well, I understand why I had my most recent surgery. My eyesight is coming back since my visit to the "Cataract Ranch." (hehe). But why did Mom and Dad insist on me having the surgery when I was a young cat?
d.: To prevent you from having kittens, remember?
C.: ???
d.: Didn't your mom and dad ever teach you the "facts of life?"
C.: Oh, sure. But that is NOT how one acquires kittens, either the human hairless kind or the animal kind.
d.: ???
C.: Don't YOU know how one acquires kittens?
d.: Apparently not, maybe you should explain it to me.
C.: (Heavy sigh). Okay. Well, first, Mom comes to Dad and says that she wants to have a baby. Dad says "it is not time yet." Mom says when will it be time? Then dad says "Soon." After a few months, Mom says to Dad, "It is 'soon.'" So Dad sighs and makes doctor's appointments for both. After that, they both take some classes. Then they both go to a place called "Walmart," which Mom says is a necessary evil and Dad says is "Hell on Earth." Mom then places everything that was bought in its proper place, then literally runs around the house looking for more stuff. She tells Dad that they forgot numerous things. Dad gets a calculator and his checkbook, shakes his head, and says words I am not allowed to say, and they go back to Dad's "Hell on Earth." After that, Mom checks her cell phone, the landline, and Dad's cell phone every five minutes to make sure they are all working properly. One day, the phone rings, and when Mom hangs up, she runs around the house looking for more stuff. After a couple of hours, the doorbell rings, and it is either a pizza or a man or lady with a baby. If it is a baby, Mom and Dad sit at the table and sign papers with the man or lady. The man or lady then leaves, and Mom looks around and shakes her head. She tells Dad he must go back to "Hell on Earth" and buy more stuff. Dad shakes his head and mutters more words I am not allowed to say...
d.:I think you are a little confused, Cal.E...
C.: No, no. I KNOW this is how one acquires a baby, because I have seen it happen at least one dozen times. Also, sometimes the baby has a littermate, like Curly and Blue Eyes were...
d.: Aren't their birthdates like, thirteen months apart?
C.: Yes, but they came to live with us at about the same time. That makes them littermates. I think humans would call them "twins.."
d.: NO, Cal.E. They aren't twins, just brothers who were born close together. Also, you said you have seen this happen one dozen times, but your mom and dad only have three children. Where did the other nine go?
C.: To someplace called "Adoption." Mom and Dad were just getting the other nine ready for this place. I do not know exactly where it is, but it must be a WONDERFUL place. The kids get a Mom and a Dad, sometimes other kids to play with, and all the love and affection they need. THAT must be "Heaven on Earth."
d.: I'm sure you are right, CAl.E. It must be a wonderful place, for both the kids AND the parents.
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