d.: Hi, Cal.E. Your dad asked me to give you your three o'clock Trazodone pill. It will help keep you from craving catnip. It also has a calming effect on cats, just as catnip does. This will help you kick your catnip habit. Open wide!
C.: One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small,
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all
You're NOT my mom but THAT pill will NOT do anything for me!
d.: Why is that?
C: The pill was due at 3 o'clock p.m.
d.: Yes, it is now 3:18. What is the problem?
C.: My friend in rehab said that, if a pill is NOT given at the exact correct time, it will not have the correct effect on whoever is taking the pill. He should know. He takes a LOT of pills! So THAT pill is no good! I must wait until tomorrow to take my medicine.
d.: That is NOT true. When I am at work, I am only obligated to give a pill one-half hour before or after it is due. I have one hour to administer any medication. If I am taking my own medicine, there are no time restrictions placed on when I may take it. At work, though, I must fill out paperwork for every pill or any other type of medication I administer. There are strict laws about that.
C.: Even to give someone an aspirin?
d.: Yes, or even Acetaminophen. I cannot skirt the law. I may lose my job if I do. Now, open your mouth and take this pill. It is almost 3:30.
C.: I am NOT going to take that pill, d.c., no matter WHAT you say!
d.: Okay, it is up to you, but there is a different method that I can use to administer your medicine.
C.: What different way?
d.: A suppository.
C.: In my mouth?
d.: NO!
C.: Where then?
d.: The other end. Perhaps I can get Tom the Tabby to help me.
C: GIVE ME THE PILL! It is getting close to three-thirty. I do NOT want to miss my afternoon medication!
d.: And now I have another satisfied customer!
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