C.: Hey, d..c., do you want to see a picture of my cousin who lives in Philly?
d.: What’s his name, and what happened to him?
C.: That is his name?
d.: What?
C.: No, What’s His Name. That is his name. His owners didn't know he existed until he was a day old. His mother died in labor, leaving (supposedly) eight kittens as orphans (but actually nine). His owner found him a day later and nursed him and his littermates back to health, feeding them all with a glove that they poked pinholes in and let the kittens suck the fingers. Since the owners had filled the two gloves with milk, they got nourishment that way.
What’s His Name needed extra attention, though, to survive. He was held a lot more than his littermates to stimulate him. He grew up spoiled. I guess that led to his addiction.
d.: What addiction was that Cal.E.?
C.: Catnip. He was so addicted to it that he bet everything he had with a bookie to earn more. He picked his team, the Phillies, to win the World Series. He was at a kitty bar, eating catnip, when he saw his team lose. The bookie had two hench cats watching him at the bar. My cousin was so messed up from eating catnip that he couldn’t get away from them. Then, he was arrested and thrown into The Kennel here in Houston. That is where I got this picture. It’s his mug shot.
d.: Why was he arrested?
c.: He was charged with illegal gambling, public intoxication, and just being plain stupid, betting on the Phillies. One of the hench cats was also a guard at The Kennel here. When my cousin couldn’t pay his debt, the hench cat had him thrown into The Kennel until he sobered up, wised up, and paid off his debt.
d.: How is he going to pay his debt if he’s in The Kennel?
C.: He’ll probably get it by playing poker with the other cats in The Kennel. He’s pretty good at that when he’s sober. He won’t get any catnip in The Kennel, so he should earn his money back fairly quickly.
d.: I see, speaking of pictures, look at these two pictures of the Phillie Phanatic. This one was taken of him when he was in Philadelphia,
And this one was taken here in Houston.
C.: So, he got his feathers ruffled in Houston, huh? That reminds me of a song. Would you like to hear it? Here it goes.
A one, a two, a one, two, three, four
Houston has the Astros
The greatest baseball team
They hit the ball from line to line
and homer in between
Their batters are amazing
Their pitchers are sublime
They have won the World Series
For the second time
We’re the….Houston Astros
Houston Astros
Houston Astros number one
Houston Astros,
Houston Astros
Houston Astros number one, two, three, four
Framber is amazing
and Christian can’t be hit
But Maldy is the catcher
With a golden catcher’s mitt
We’re the….Houston Astros
Houston Astros
Houston Astros number one, two, three, four
Altuve is the leader
But Pena is just hot
The Phillies seemed a good match
But really they were not
We’re the….Houston Astros
Houston Astros
Houston Astros number one!
Houston Astros
Houston Astros number one! two, three, four
Their bullpen is good enough
That the hitters think They’re cursed
Yordon hit a long bomb
and Dusty won his first!
WE're the Houston Astros number one!
Houston Astros
Houston Astros number one!
Houston Astros
Houston Astros number one!
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE TWO-TIME WORLD CHAMPION HOUSTON ASTROS!
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