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Cal.E.'s Corner




On a warm summer's evening

On a train bound for nowhere

I met up with the gambler

We were both too tired to sleep

So we took turns a-starin'

Out the window at the darkness

The boredom overtook us

And he began to speak

He said, "Son, I've made a life

Out of readin' people's faces

Knowin' what the cards were

By the way they held their eyes

So if you don't mind my sayin'

I can see you're out of aces

For a taste of your whiskey

I'll give you some advice"

So I handed him my bottle

And he drank down my last swallow

Then he bummed a cigarette

And asked me for a light

And the night got deathly quiet

And his face lost all expression

Said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy

You gotta learn to play it right

You've got to know when to hold 'em

Know when to fold 'em

Know when to walk away

And know when to run

You never count your money

When you're sittin' at the table

There'll be time enough for countin'

When the dealin's done

Every gambler knows

That the secret to survivin'

Is knowin' what to throw away

And knowin' what to keep

'Cause every hand's a winner

And every hand's a loser

And the best that you can hope for

Is to die in your sleep"

And when he'd finished speakin'

He turned back toward the window

Crushed out his cigarette

Faded off to sleep

And somewhere in the darkness

The gambler he broke even

But in his final words

I found an ace that I could keep

You've got to know when to hold 'em

Know when to fold 'em

Know when to walk away

And know when to run

You never count your money

When you're sittin' at the table

There'll be time enough for countin'

When the dealin's done

You've got to know when to hold 'em (when to hold 'em)

Know when to fold 'em (when to fold 'em)

Know when to walk away

And know when to run

You never count your money

When you're sittin' at the table

There'll be time enough for countin'

When the dealin's done

You've got to know when to hold 'em

Know when to fold 'em

Know when to walk away

And know when to run

You never count your money

When you're sittin' at the table

There'll be time enough for countin'

When the dealin's done

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Don Schlitz

The Gambler lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

C.: Hey, d.c., I need to ask you a question.

d.:What is it, Cal.E.?

C.: Well, in the game of baseball, if a player is able to hit .300 throughout his career, he automatically has a ticket into the Baseball Hall of Fame, right? So, in the game of baseball, thirty percent is good, isn’t it?

d.: If he does it on a major league level, I suppose that’s true. What are you getting at, Cal.E.?

C.: Well, the Texans have a thirty percent chance of winning next week’s game-

d.: Wait one minute, Cal.E. You haven’t done anything rash like bet your whole next paycheck on a winless team, have you?

C.: Not yet, but I know where i can get three-to-one odds on that game-

d.: Where?

C.: Mike Sims was talking to another inmate at The Human Kennel and I overheard the conversation. He said that he would give the other inmate three-to-one odds, straight up, that the Texans won’t win their next game.

d.: The odds are that the Texans will lose, Cal.E. I know you can’t count higher than two, but if the Texans have a thirty percent chance of winning, then they have a seventy percent chance of losing. Seventy is more than twice as much as thirty. That, I suppose, is where Mike Sims gets his odds from.

How would you be able to bet with an inmate from The Human Kennel?

C.: Mike Sims has a secret cell phone. All I must do is call his cell and give him my credit card number-

d.: So, you're willing to give your credit card number to an inmate and bet on a game that is probably fixed anyway. In the book he wrote about his time coaching the Oakland Raiders, former NFL commentator John Madden told how he received a mysterious phone call from an unknown person. When he was a rookie coach, Madden made a mistake on his injury report. The player played even though Madden listed him as “doubtful.” He admitted to the strange voice that there was a fifty percent chance the player would play, so his status should have been “questionable.” The voice was NOT happy with this bit of information.

Madden wanted to know who the voice was, so he asked to whom he was speaking. “Are you the president of the league?” He asked the strange voice.

“NO,” said the voice. “The president answers to ME!” Madden, all six feet, four inches, and two-hundred sixty pounds (plus) of him, began shaking in his shoes. He said that he never made that mistake again.

That just shows that there are people with more influence over sports than the players, coaches, or executives. My cardinal rule is that I never bet on something that I can’t control.

The song you’re playing in the background is about a poker player, though. Poker is more a game of skill than chance. The player must read the other players more so than his or her cards. Once he establishes what each player’s “tells’’ are (which everyone has), he will know what kind of hand each player has and when to bet and when not to bet. Playing poker requires more skill than most people realize-

C.: Thanks, d.c. Now I know what to do with my next paycheck. I’ll find a high stakes poker game and double my paycheck-

d,: NO, that’s NOT what I meant, Cal.E. Save your money and invest in something safe like the stock market-

C.: ?????!!!



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