c.: Oh my CAT! Did I ever have a nice, good catnap. Let me look at my fur in a mirror and see if I need to lick it. Hmm. It looks great, as usual.
Sight stimulates human men. I wonder if, when a gay human man looks at himself in the mirror naked, he becomes excited? If not, why not? What’s wrong with him, and why would anyone else want to be with him? And why would anyone else want him, if he doesn’t like the way he looks in a mirror? (ring) Oh, hi d.c., how are things in “Parts Unknown”?
d.: Cal.E., I’ve been back from my family reunion for two days…
C.: Did you ever find a dress that fit you and the occasion?
d.: That’s not what my sister meant. She just meant to wear clothes…
C.: That’s the problem with you humans. Y'all are always worrying about what to wear. IF any of you looked like ME, y’all wouldn’t ever need to worry about what to wear!
d.: Anyway, she wanted us to be comfortable, but to still look decent. That is NOT what I called about, though. I have been trying to call you for the last two days, since I got back to Houston. You apparently have been asleep for three days. You must have just passed out right after you made “the biggest blunder since the invention of the Edsel…”
C.: The who now? I just had some…beet juice and lay down after our pre- E.P.I.C. tour concert in Cut’N’Shoot. How, pray tell, was that the biggest blunder since designing a car that has become a collector’s item for car collectors?
d.: Because, Cal.E. You sent ME the text to come get you, and your rideshare driver the text for the idea for our television pilot. She took advantage of that. It really set me back…
C.: Well, it wasn’t pleasant for me, either. I missed my original flight and had to fly back to Houston on a later flight that was completely full! I had to sit on a flight attendant’s lap the whole way! I usually don’t need for someone to wake me at my final destination, but I did on that flight! I was so comfortable sitting in that flight attendant’s lap that I almost overslept and went to Seattle! I usually am so nervous that I’m the first one off the plane! I almost missed my masseuse appointment that I always make to calm me down after flying for more than two hours!
d.: Well, you didn’t do me any favors, either. Your ride-share driver took the idea and ran with it. Her pilot is now the number one rated show on XYZ network on Wednesday nights from 8:37-8:42 p.m. in even-numbered years this century in months that begin with “S” and end in an“R”. AND it was OUR idea!
C.: That sounds pretty specific for the rankings, d.c., but maybe we could sue her and get some money for it, at least.
d.: No, Cal.E., what she did was perfectly legal. I’ve already talked to my lawyer. There is nothing he or we can do now. She doesn’t even need to give us a byline. That would have sufficed, as far as I’m concerned. At least then I could have told my agent that it was my idea for the pilot for that show when she asks me, "What have you done lately?”
C.: Isn’t that HER job, to find you things to write about?
d.: No, not really. Agents in this century are so busy that writers must come up with their own ideas and then try to sell them to agents. If a writer can get the attention of an agent, s/he can then go to a publisher or a production company and present the material. Agents have more connections, as a rule than writers. I need to do something, though, since two of my books are with editors who have no specific timeline to get them done. I don’t want to be forgotten about until one or both of those books come out!
C.: Well, how about this? A kennel worker/nurse hears a cat talking to herself in her cell and goes to talk to the cat. He finds out that the cat is from another planet, one where all cats can talk. He warns her not to talk to anyone else, for fear she would be experimented on and treated as a prisoner for the rest of her life.
His best friend then adopts said cat, and the nurse and the cat become best friends. Since the nurse is also an author, he bounces his material off the cat before he submits it to a publisher or an agent. The author becomes a best-selling author with the help of his new best friend!
d.: No, it will never sell. I guess it’s back to the old drawing board for me!