C.: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? And , if he cannot chuck wood, why is he called a woodchuck? Wouldn’t a more accurate name be a Wood NOT Chucker? Or, perhaps, just Chuck (hehe).
Cal.E. is still waiting for d.c. to call her after his doctor’s appointment, as she contemplates the great mysteries of life. So, we will take you back to the planet THRAE, where Dr. Buddy Bones is trying to figure out how to make money from gambling on sports. He needs money to finance his study of the perpetual motion machine he and his lab assistant, ELAC have been trying to invent. Since dogs and cats get along on this planet, the two work well together. However, ELAC has several sick kittens and is on a break. As a result, Dr. Bones must not only do his own calculations but also find a way to finance his enterprise. IF he can succeed, he will have control of the main power source on his new planet, since the ones presently being used are destroying the ozone layer around his planet and causing climate change. It is presently the middle of July, and THREA is experiencing a heat wave. It is the middle of the winter in the northern hemisphere of Earth’s mirror planet.
BB.: Let me take some calculations from ELAC and see if I can discern the pitches each team’s hurlers will throw. Then, I can sell that information to the teams coming to my town. The Nassau Americans have been to more World Series than any other team on the planet this century. They have even represented both the THREA League and the LANDISH League, the only team ever to do so. Visiting teams will pay me a mint if I can just watch the Americans' pitchers and be able to discern what type of pitch they will throw. Then, I will send a signal electronically to the team’s manager’s headset that he is allowed to wear during the game to communicate with the pitcher and the catcher.
Hmm., looks like a fastball to the arm side of the plate, low and inside. It is. Now, he is setting up ten micrometers away from his last pitch to the glove side of the plate. It will be a breaking ball on the outside one-half of the plate. Yes, if all the pitchers are as obvious as the American’s ace, this will be easy money. I just need a way to convince the visiting teams that I can help them, but how?!
I will see if I can send a signal to the Yonkers Yankees manager during this televised game. If I can do that, I can convince him that I know what I am doing. Yonkers fans will be grateful, since they have the lowest winning percentage in the history of baseball on this planet.
ELAC left some valuable calculations for me. I should be able to use these to hack into the Yonkers manager’s headset and convince him that I am adept at this skill.
Fastball, high and away, Rusty. Now it is a curveball down and in. Watch out for the changeup in this situation. Now, he is going to throw a slider to put your leadoff batter away. For more information like this, contact me at 212-555-1212.
Now, all I must do is wait for the Yonkers manager to contact me. I will not charge him. His price will be to spread the word that I can get this information to visiting teams at Nassau’s home games.
In the meantime, I will watch the rest of the game and see if I am able to discern what the pitcher on each team is throwing. If I can do that, I will tell the managers of each team that I will sell this information to their competition if they do not comply with my plan. I will make a mint, and I will be able to hire another mathematician to take that irritating cat’s place. Then, she and her whole family must be eliminated, lest she has shared my plan with her family, and one of them shares my secret with the public. It will be both necessary and enjoyable to do this! Cats are NOT my favorite animals! ! am a dog from Earth, not HTREA. Cats are my mortal enemies, and ELAC is my LEAST favorite cat of all time!
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