THE MUSINGS OF CALCULATING EINSTEIN KAT
C.: I do not know what to do with myself on my day off! “The Big Cheese,” Hush Limberger says that one should stay on the same schedule, whether working or not. I have trained my body to only sleep four hours a day and be awake for twenty. That leaves me a LOT of time to think on my days off! I will just ask myself some mind-clearing questions to help me relax and enjoy the day.
Okay, if private industry can put people into outer space, why can’t someone come up with food that is not only nutritious, but also tastes good? And, if Superman and Supergirl can both fly without their capes, why do they each wear one? And why is it Super MAN and Super GIRL when, technically, Supergirl is the older cousin of Superman who came to Earth to protect her baby cousin, but got delayed? And why does Batman even wear a cape if he cannot fly? And why is he SpiderMAN if the superhero is really a teenager? Also, if a man should not have dealings with something he does not understand very well (or at all) why do men marry women? Hmm. d.c. is also off work today. I will call him and ask him if he knows the answer to the last question. He is almost retirement age and has been married for (literally) more years than I can count, or more than two. (Ring).
d.: Hello?! Cal.E., is that you?
C.: Yes, d.c. It is me, Cal.E., the last of the talking cats (once I kill my ex-husband). I have a question for you, since you have been married for so long. You must be an expert on women. If men do not understand women very well (or at all) why do they pursue them and marry and live with them?
d.: That IS a good question Cal.E. I started writing a book about that when my first engagement ended…
C.: You were engaged to a woman besides your wife at one time?
d.: Yes, Cal.E. I have been engaged (literally) more times than you can count.
C.: So, more than two. Email me the manuscript. I would like to read it, if I have time. I am bored anyway.
d.: Okay, check your email.
C.: “What I Know About Women” by d.c. scot. d.c., there are two hundred blank pages after the title page.???!!
d.: I know. That is far as I have gotten with the book.
C.: When did your first engagement end?
d.: Let’s see, carry the one, divide by two and subtract my age, thirty-four years ago.
C.: And this is as much as you have written?
d.: Yes.
C.: No wonder there are so few (if any) books about relationships written by men.
d.: Actually, one man did write a song about it. Billy Joel has been married more times than I have been engaged, so he is an expert on relationships. Here are the lyrics to “She’s Always a Woman to Me.”
She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes And she can ruin your faith with her casual lies And she only reveals what she wants you to see She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe you And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free
Yeah she steals like a thief but she's always a woman to me Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants She's ahead of her time Oh, and she never gives out and she never gives in She just changes her mind
And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden Then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding But she brings out the best and the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself 'cause she's always a woman to me Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants She's ahead of her time Oh, and she never gives out and she never gives in She just changes her mind
She is frequently kind and she's suddenly cruel But she can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool And she can't be convicted, she's earned her degree And the most she will do is throw shadows at you But she's always a woman to me
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Billy Joel
She's Always a Woman lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
C.: I still don’t understand.
d.: Neither do I Cal.E. If I did, I would have finished my book by now!
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