That’s the news for today. I’m Ben Dunn and YOU are someone else. Because, if you claimed to be me, you would need to pay child support to my three ex-wives!
d.: Wow! I must call Cal.E. She made the national news! (ring) “Hi, Cal.E. I think congratulations are in order. You made the national news because you are the first cat ever to be named employee of the month! The story was also in the newspaper this morning, but I did not want to disturb you too early on your day off from work.
C.: Thanks, d.c. (heavy sigh)
d.: What’s wrong? You should be proud of yourself! Did the kennel ask you to work even more hours and make you clean even more cages per hour? You should just quit that job and relax!
C.: No, The Kennel gave me a huge raise when my manager selected me employee of the month. He also lowered my quota by two cages and gave me the day off with pay. I just need to count all of my legs twice to come up with the number of cages I need to clean per hour. BUT… it’s not all good. You see, I am not really from outer space. I am really from the east coast. My real name is Caryn the Cat from Columbia, Maryland
d.: What is that town near?
C.: It is the largest suburb of Baltimore. IT IS A LONG STORY.
d.: I have time, if you need to unload on someone. I am off work for the next two days.
C.: It all started when my dad discovered that my husband and I could talk. He decided to book us on talk shows. He thought we were going to make him rich. However, the audience thought it was a trick when we talked, like in the old television show “Mr. Ed.” NO ONE ever heard of a talking horse, much less two talking cats. That is, until my dad excused himself and went to the restroom. I continued the interview by myself, while my husband just sat there and said nothing! I was so upset that I hooped on the first truck I saw headed west and jumped off when it reached its final destination; Houston. I think you know MOST of the rest of the story.
d.: How old are your kittens now? I think you left some things out…
C.: I did. My ex-husband and I had fourteen kittens in our first litter, none of whom could talk. They are, carry the one, divide by pi, forty-two in cat years. I do not want more, so I had no objections when the kennel spayed me. After the news segment, my husband was able to identify me, because dilute calicos are kind of rare. I left my husband with our fourteen kittens. I did NOT want to be identified, so I made up the story about the Planet of the Talking Cats. Now, my ex-husband is demanding that I pay back child support for our fourteen kittens. He says he will eat them if I do not pay the back child support. I don’t want that to happen to my kittens, even though they are all as lazy as my ex-husband, who is a tomcat. You see, I really DO need my job. I am actually a very hard worker. I just needed a break when I came to Houston. My reaction to catnip was strange. I never had it before, because my dad did not want me to become lazy. I had never gambled before, either. I just wanted to have some fun.
d.: I still don’t completely understand. Your kittens are old enough to fend for themselves. I do know that tomcats are lazy, I live with two. But, you still need to explain some things
C.: (heavy sigh) Okay, I “reimagined” a Bruce Springsteen song. I think this explains it all.
Got a spouse and kittens in Baltimore Jack
I went out for a ride and I never went back Like a river that don't know where it's flowing My truck took a wrong turn and I just kept going
Everybody's got a hungry heart Everybody's got a hungry heart Lay down your money and you play your part Everybody's got a h-h-hungry heart
Oh
I met him in a feed and supply store We fell in love, I knew it had to end We took what we had and we ripped it apart Now here I am down in Kingstown again
Everybody's got a hungry heart Everybody's got a hungry heart Lay down your money and you play your part Everybody's got a h-h-hungry heart
La-la-la-la-la-la, oh yeah La-la-la-la-la-la
Everybody needs a place to rest Everybody wants to have a home Don't make no difference what nobody says Ain't nobody like to be alone
Everybody's got a hungry heart Everybody's got a hungry heart Lay down your money and you play your part Everybody's got a h-h-hungry heart
Oh yeah (Everybody's got a hungry heart) (Lay down your money and you play your part) Oh yeah (Everybody's got a hungry heart) La-la-la-la-la-la Ooh yeah La-la-la-la-la-la
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Bruce Springsteen
Hungry Heart lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
d.: WOW! Just WOW!
C.: (HEAVY SIGH) I suppose I should get some rest before tomorrow. The Kennel will give me double pay if I come in on my scheduled day off
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