C.: (Maybe I should get a pet now that I am a “working stiff.” I could get a dog. I would like to have a Dalmatian. If it was a boy, I would name him Spot. That way, if I was mad at him and wanted to put him outside, I could quote Shakespeare. Or, if it was a girl, I would name it Nama. That way, when I didn’t want her to follow me, I would say, “Namaste.” {hehe}) (Ring.) “Oh, hi d.c. How are you doing on this fine working day?
d.: Actually, I am off for Good Friday. Why did YOU go to work today, and why are you calling me on Facetime?
C.: I wanted you to see my working pet outfit. I went to work today because it is a holiday and I could earn double pay. I worked a triple shift plus for me. My coworker had a vet’s appointment, so I stayed an extra hour. I just got off working a thirteen-hour shift. I would like to relax now, so I am enjoying a little catnip.
d.: You need to be careful with that stuff. Where did you get it, anyway? I thought your mom and dad would not let you have any of the plant you bought.
C.: True, but the bus that takes me and the other pets to work stops at the store so we can get whatever we want with our hard-earned money. “The Big Cheese” says that a working pet should be able to enjoy him or herself after putting in a full day at work, whether the job is sniffing out bombs or drugs, catching mice, or shoveling dog poop. Hush says that if I only eat one leaf a day, I will not become addicted again. He says that, if I reward myself for a job well done, I will look forward to going to work the next day!
d.: You listen to Hush Limburger now? Isn’t he a rat? And isn’t he VERY anti-cat?!
C.: No, d.c. That is a common misconception. He is actually a very large mouse. I listen to his radio show at work. That is what the kennel workers tune the radio to for us pets to listen to when we are working. He makes some good points! And he is only against lazy cats that do nothing but sit around asleep all day. He has no problem with working cats.
d.: Aren’t mice your sworn enemy?
C.: That is another common misconception. Hush is actually a very large mouse, and mice and cats are actually friends. Haven’t you ever watched “The Tom and Jerry Show?” That show is based on real-life! We cats just sometimes get carried away when we are playing with our small buddies. Since there is nothing else to do with the mice’s bodies, we just go ahead and eat them when we accidentally play too hard.
d.: Well, how can you listen to Hush’s whole show? He IS a church mouse, and he talks very low. How can you hear the radio when you are in the back of the kennel where the bad dogs are kept away from all the other kennel animals?
C.: that’s why I bought these!
d.: Cal.E., there is a reason that one cannot hear the radio where the mean dogs are! You need to be free of distractions when you are cleaning out their cages. YOU need to pay close attention to what you are doing so that you will not get bit or maimed! I am surprised that the kennel lets you wear those at work!
C.: I can do more than one thing at once, (hey, a butterfly. Wheee)
d.: Come back here and leave that butterfly alone!
C.: Okay I’m back. (Pitui!) That was a Monarch butterfly! It tastes like a moth! (What were we talking about?)
d.: A Monarch Butterfly IS a moth! You can’t even finish this conversation without getting distracted! What is so great about those headphones, anyway?! You act as if they are SO special!
C.: They ARE special. They are a combination of headphones, a radio, a Swiss army knife, a smartphone, and a can opener. This is all one needs to survive in life!
d.: That will never catch on! (Of course, I said that about the clock/radio/telephone; the electric car; the electric toothbrush; the iPhone (as well as all other Apple products…)
C.: Thanks, d.c. NOW I know what to invest my money in so that I can retire early!
d.: ???
C.: Whatever you say will not succeed!!
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