C. : Hi, d.c. What are you doing on your day off?
d.: Hi, Cal.E. I see you got your phone fixed. After working a double shift, I like to come home and watch the six o’clock news to relax and unwind.
C.: So.. you ARE yourself today, right? No dissociative disorder?
d.: Correct, Cal.E. Elvis has left my body. Now, excuse me while I relax and watch the news
C.: (Boy, talk about a contradiction in terms). Okay, d.c. I will just hold the line and listen to it with you. Then we can talk.
Announcer: And now, the six o’clock news, with Ben Dunn.
Ben: Hi, I’m Ben Dunn. It’s six o’clock and time for the news.
In financial news, the experts say that we are headed for a recession. In other news, we learn that it still takes 365.25 days for the Earth to revolve around the sun, which rises in the east and sets in the west, and there are STILL twenty-four hours in each day! Now, To Sarah Sunshine with the weather.
Sarah: Hi, Ben! As you can see, it is raining. My first clue was when I walked outside and got wet. Shockingly, the stuff coming out of the sky is VERY wet! Who would have thought that water was wet? Back to you, Benn (and please return my underwear when you get a chance; It is NOT your size).
Ben: One more thing before we go, there was ANOTHER school shooting in which 47 people were injured. Fortunately, no one died, so it is not THAT important. But, MOST importantly, it did not affect ME!
d.: Okay, Cal.E. The news is over. What did you want to talk about?
C.: Well, now that I am square with Tom, I do not need to earn money, but I am beginning to enjoy being around other people all day. My coworkers invited me out for a drink after work. Maybe THAT is how I should spend my money, buying my coworkers drinks and drinking myself under the table!
d.: I would advise against that Cal.E. Your coworkers may try to take advantage of you. You also have a compulsive personality. Getting addicted to alcohol may be as bad as your catnip and gambling addictions. Besides, I don’t know how alcohol would affect a cat!
C.: So, do you have something against drinking and socializing with other people?
d.: Not at all. I drink a beer with my dinner on occasion, and we all need to socialize with others after the pandemic! Everyone needs human-to-human (or cat-to-human) interaction.
C.: Well, then, what do you suggest I do with my hard-earned money, if not to booze it up, eat catnip, or gamble? My food and rent are paid for by Mom and Dad, and they have already given me all the toys a cat would want!
d.: Have you thought about helping them out by paying rent or chipping in for groceries?
C.: And how would I explain that? Leave money laying around so that Mom and Dad could “find it?” Mom and Dad would probably just give it to a charity, since they would consider it “found money.”
d.: That’s an idea. You could give to a good charity. The ASPCA is a good organization. I can give you some names of others if you wish.
C.: Or maybe I will get a new suit, a shiny collar, and a nice walking cane! That would take many shifts to buy, and it will also keep me out of trouble. Thanks, d.c., I feel better already. I will ask my supervisor for more and longer shifts and also to work some overtime and earn some extra money. If I work hard enough… AHHH! I’m a CAT! All these four-letter words again, like: Earn and work and hard… I think I will just take a nap. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
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