d.: You look calm for someone who lost a bet, Cal.E, Can you tell me how you are keeping so calm? Doesn't Tom the Tabby want his money after you lost the bet on college basketball? It was a good game, but North Caroline pulled it out over their archrival. Duke is still Duke, though, even without Coach K., I suppose. His retirement was a little sad because his excellent career ended with a loss.
C.: Well, Tom made me another deal. He said that, if I would take the underdog straight up, he would roll what I lost into another bet. What does that mean d.c.? You did do a lot of research on gambling for your new book.
d.: He means that, if you will take the underdog in the next game, and North Carolina wins the game, he will forgive your debt. He will not give you any points, though. Be aware, Cal.E., that Tom will still take his ten percent “user fee” Are you good for it.
C.: Let’s see, ten percent of one grand is, carry the two, multiply by four and dived by four. Yes, I am good for the ten percent. On an unrelated topic, I am a little tapped right now. I saw something Mom would like for Mother’s Day next month. Can I borrow a C-note to buy it for her?
d.: That may not be enough, Cal.E. If you lose, you will owe Tom $2,200. Kansas looked tough when they beat ‘Nova. They will be the favorite, as a number one seed playing a number eight seed. That is double what you bet, plus his user fee. Can you cover that?
C.: Let’s see. Carry the one, divide by the square root of pi, then multiply by the square root of twenty. Yes, d.c. I have that much on me right now. On another unrelated note, Dad has both a birthday and Father’s Day coming up soon. I saw a riding lawnmower at the home store that I would like to buy him as a combination present for both. With taxes, that would be $2,1665. I would also like to buy him a happy meal for his birthday. So, can I borrow $2,200? I am a little tapped right now.
d.: Cal.E., your dad’s yard is VERY small. Additionally, he contracts a mowing crew to mow his yard. He says he does not want to look at grass when he gets home after looking at it all day. He does not need a riding mower. (Although you are probably right about the price of a happy meal now). You don’t have the money, do you?
C.: I HAVE the money, d.c. It's so funny that you think that I don’t have the money. I DO have the money, you know. You are just being silly, d.c., that’s all. (Do I have the money, please!)
d.: Well, that job shoveling dog feces is still open at the animal kennel where I work. You could work off your debt to Tom a little at a time.
C.: How much does it pay?
d.: Minimum wage, but you may be able to get an advancement on your pay. Then, you could work some overtime to pay it off more quickly…
C.: AHHHH! You’re talking to a CAT! Overtime? WORK is a four-letter word to me. OVERTIME is out of the question!
d.: I guess you will be punching a time clock for the rest of your life, then, Cal.E. You will need to work hard and long hours for the rest of your life, like the rest of us work-a-day drones. You will work more and more hours as you age and have more responsibility…
C.: d.c.! PLEASE STOP with the four-letter words!
d.: ??
C.: Work, and hard, and long, and more!! OH!! The horror!! My ears are going to fall off!
Tune in tomorrow, folks, and see if Cal.E. is proactive in asking for a job at the animal kennel shoveling dog poop, or takes a chance that North Carolina will win tomorrow night.
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