d.: How are you doing today, Cal.E.?
C.: Much like the fictional Ishmael in "Moby Dick," I am troubled.
d.: Why is that? Did you run out of catnip and the store does not have anymore because you have bought so much of it lately?
C.: Well...yes, but that is not why I am troubled today.
d.: ???
C.: Leon and Buddy Bones got into an altercation. Mom and Dad were able to reason
that Leon was my pet, so they are making me pay for all of Buddy Bones' vet bills
.
d.: How badly was Buddy Bones hurt by your big cat?
C.: Well, Leon was not trying to hurt Buddy Bones, just warn him, so he did not use the full force of his strength to subdue him. It still was necessary for Buddy Bones to go to the vet, though. Mom was horrified at the way Buddy Bones looked. I must pay his vet bill, according to Mom and Dad; even if he only needs "cosmetic" surgery. The vet is keeping him overnight for observation, so I cannot sow y'all a picture of him.
d.: How much of your "hard-earned" money did the vet take to treat Buddy Bones?
C.: Again with the air quotes? The same percentage of the world's grain that the "Breadbasket of the World," The Ukraine, supplies for worldly consumption.
d.: So, ten percent?
C.: That is money I NEED, though. I need everything I won betting on basketball teams in the "Elite Eight."
d.: Why does a cat, who gets food and shelter from her mom and dad, need ANY money?
C.: Because I need to buy catnip!
d.: Don't you and the other two cats at your house have a plant in your backyard?
C.: Sure, but that plant does NOT supply enough catnip for three cats (or even just me). The store that I usually buy it from is having "supply chain issues." I must buy the catnip off the streets, like a common alley cat!
d.: How much does it cost?
C.: It WAS free when I first started getting it from my supplier. Then, he asked for a small amount of money. The next time I went back, he wanted a little bit more money for the same amount of catnip. Each time I bought it, the price increased for the same amount, but I was craving more and more. I will need a LOT of money to supply me with catnip for the rest of my life. I MUST increase my portfolio!
d.: You REALLY need to get back into rehab!
C.: I may, after tonight.
d.: Why, after tonight? What is going on that is so important that you would risk your health, and maybe your life?
C.: I bet on Texas A&M to win the N.I.T. tournament.
d.: How much did you bet, Cal.E?
C.: ALL the money I owe Tom! That way, I can double my earnings!
d.:SMH; I may need to do an intervention for Cal.E. Rehab does not seem to have ANY effect on her!
Tune in tomorrow, folks, when we will find out if Cal.E. is singing the Aggie War Hymn or the blues!
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