C.: Well, it’s official. I got my divorce papers in the mail today. I am now a single cat! I can officially change my name to Callie The Cat to Calculating Einstein Kat! I think I will call d.c. and see if he would like to celebrate with me, since he is off work today, too. (Ring)
d.: Hello, Cal.E., is that you?
C.: Yes, d.c., it is me, Calculating Einstein Kat, the last of the divorcee`s.
d.: Let’s hope that is an accurate statement (but I doubt it will be).
C.: Would you like to celebrate my day of freedom with me?
d.: ???
C.: My divorce papers came in the mail. I am now a free cat (as long as I pay back and present kitten support to my now ex-husband, Tom The Cat.) I can now officially change my name to Cal.E. Kat.
d.: What was your married name?
C.: Callie The Cat.
d.: And your maiden name?
C. Callie Cat.
d.: You and your ex-husband had the same last name before you married?
C.: No, d.c. he was Dutch. His last name was The Cat. Mine was just Cat.
d.: I see. Well, what do you plan to do to celebrate (or mourn) this day?
C.: I will eat catnip until I pass out! Would you care to join me?
d.: I think I will pass. I have some things that my wife asked me to do for her today. When I get done mowing the yard and cleaning the house, I need to go grocery shopping. After that, I will fix the toilet and the shower. They are both leaking water.
C.: And your wife cannot do any of those things?
d.: No, she his busy figuring out our finances. She says that we have enough money for her to go to Paris for a vacation, but not me. She is taking a work friend. I think her name is “Butch.”
C.: O-KAY. You might want to find a lawyer, d.c. It would be worth the money. I can give you the name of a good one. He specializes in “family law.”
d.: I would, if I had access to any of the money in our joint checking account. My wife must sign all the checks that come out of it. She would know what I was planning if I asked for the money for a retainer for a divorce lawyer. What made you decide to run away from your ex-husband and file for divorce, if you don’t mind my asking.
C.: I don’t. You are my best friend, and I need someone to vent with anyway.
D: Go ahead. The groceries will wait (I think).
C.: Well, the first thing my ex-husband did was really rude. I was having trouble trying to get my fur to lie down correctly. I kept licking it, but it would not cooperate. My ex then licked my fur so much that he got a hairball.
d.: How is that a bad thing?
C.: I had to take him to the vet with my fur still standing on end! It was SO embarrassing. And then there was the time he got a thorn stuck in his paw hunting…
d.: Did your humans not feed you enough?
C.: No, they fed us well. I just did not like what they gave me to eat that day, so Tom went out hunting for me something to eat. He got a thorn stuck in his paw while hunting for food for me. What a baby! The vet gave him a shot of lidocaine before he took it out. Tom said that his foot was too sore, though, that night, to watch our fourteen kittens while I went to a cater-walling concert. I had been looking forward to it all day! I mean, he had three other feet. He would not come out of his comma and watch the kittens for me, though…
d.: I think you mean coma. Was he unconscious?
C.: No, d.c. My ex-husband slept in a comma-shaped bed. He would not get up off his lazy tail and watch the kittens for me. Just because the vet gave him pain medicine that made him drowsy was NOT an excuse for me to miss a concert that I had just heard about that day and wanted to see!
d.: I see. You know, your ex-husband does not sound like such a bad cat (hehe) to me…
C.: That’s right. Take HIS side. You ARE both male. I should have known better than to try to talk to you about this! I am going to hang up and talk to my mother!
d.: Is she still alive?
C.: No, she died several years ago, but I can still communicate with her if I just close my eyes and call her name…
d.: That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Now, I must add one more thing to my list of chores. Horace and his wife are out of town (that seems to happen a lot!). I must go to his house and give Cal.E. her Trazodone pill. She REALLY needs it!
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