Cal.E.'s Korner

CRASH!

d.: Look! Up in the sky! It’s a  bird, it’s a plane, it’s…a spaceship crashing to Earth!

ELAC: You rang my bell?

d.: Well…yes, Cal.E.’s third husband (and second here on Earth), the seven-time World Association of Cat-fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology cat fighting champion, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a.

The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken (by his former BFF, cofounder and business partner with the Triple T Cartel, and now chief WACKO rival and nemesis in real life, The Original Triple T, Tom the Tabby)

is having trouble with his step-kittens.

E.: And how is this an emergency? I told you only to ring my bell

in the case of an emergency….

d.: It kind of is. You see, T did me a solid, and he asked me to do the same for him as payback. Well, I told him to help the kittens get jobs and maybe they would be more independent and move out.

E.: And did that accomplish the desired effect?

d.: It did not. All but Ralph, the bass player

with Ralph

and the RoCKats,

is on tour with his band. They’re on the NIKE tour playing back allies in Navasota, Indian Springs, Klein, and Egypt.

E.: That sounds like a short tour, so Ralph will soon be back, adding to the problem, I assume. Unfortunately, this presents a conflict of interest for me.

d.: How so?

E.: You’d better get T on the horn, so I won’t need to tell you each individually. I’ll save time by saying this only once.

d.: Okay (ring)

Tux.: Go.

E.: Hello, Mr. Tucker Two, I am ELAC, and I represent my thirty-third cousin twice removed (and my mirror opposite)’s fourteen kittens.

How long, may I ask, have the kittens resided at Wayne Manor with you and my distant relative?

Tux.: Let’s see, carry the three, divide by seventeen and multiply by one,,,about three years.

E.: Well, that would mean that these fine young kittens have squatter’s rights. As such, you cannot, you must not, you will not kick them out in the street with nowhere to go.

Tux.: Oh, I get it. It’s Apil first, April Fools’ Day, and you and d.c. area playing a trick on me. That’s a good one, Cal.E., now change out of those glasses and that inside out suit

and come home so we can have some alone time.

E.: April Fool’s?

d.: Er…That’s all the time we have for today, folks. That’s the end of this cat ta(i)le.

Please join us next time for another edition of Cal.E.’s Korner.