Cal.E.'s Korner

T. Puppy Katt: Well, Dad is watching some kind of game on television that involves a ball.

It can’t be that interesting, though, because no dogs participate in it. I tried to watch it with him, but it must have taken more than two minutes, so I stopped watching. That’s the extent of my attention span. It’s even less than that when there are no dogs or balls involved. This game at least had a ball, but no dogs! IDK what Dad sees in that.

Anyway, that annoying cat who lives at the end of the street in Wayne Manor

with her third husband (and second here on Earth), the seven-time World Association of Cat-fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology cat fighting champion, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a.

The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken (by his former BFF, cofounder and business partner with the Triple T Cartel, and now chief WACKO rival and nemesis in real life, The Original Triple T, Tom the Tabby)

left Dad’s computer on.

All I had to do was flip the switch on the computer that translates Catonese to English and make it translate Dogma to English, and I can write my own, remarkably interesting blog entitled.,,, 

                                                   PUPPY PATTER

By the beautiful, talented, and very humble T. Puppy Katt.

Well, as I said in the introduction, Cal.E. left Dad’s computer on when she finished writing her blog yesterday, so I took advantage of the situation. She had a search engine open, and I was curious about something.

Mom and Dad have been trying to get me to eat more food. Well, I feel uncomfortable when I can see my belly poking out on one side or the other, but the treats they are giving me are delish, so I went along for a day or two…Until I read what CNN said about that.

 I typed in why people would want to fatten up children on Cats Need kNowledge, and this search engine led me to a remarkably interesting book called  Grim’s Fairy Tells which contained the story of Hansel and Gretal. I read the book and….

OH. MY. DOG! Are Mom and Dad going to eat me? I mean, I trust this search engine because it was totally accurate about one thing: cats really do need knowledge. They aren’t as smart as dogs, and are not pretty at all, like yours truly. If I weren’t such a humble dog, I would show you a comparison picture and let you decide. Oh well, here you go. You decide which us cuter a cat

Or a well bred dog?

Anyway, after I read Hansel and Gretal, I refused to eat for a couple of days, but I got hungry and ate my breakfast. Then Mom and Dad told me what a good girl I was for eating and gave me some more food with human food on top. It was delish, but I was worried about gaining weight. I decided to do three rounds of the zoomies with a freind

talk Dad into taking me for a walk that is twice as long as our usual daily walk, and skip

eating anything else for a day.Mom says she thinks I may have Anorexia Nervosa, but Dad says that I’m so strong that he doesn't think that’s the problem.

Dad grew up on a cattle farm,

and he says that the best meat is marbled with enough fat to give the meat flavor and keep it from shrinking when it is cooked. Is that why they want me to eat more? So I’ll taste better?

I want to leave bfore Mom and dad decide to eat me, but I'd need a good lawyer to do that and I don't know any, especially not this guy.

Well, I’ll be three years old soon, and that translates to twenty-one in human years. Humans are said to be emancipated from their parents when they turn twenty-one, so I suppose I can wait a few more weeks,,,

But where would I go? What would I do?

C.: Frankly my dear….

d.: That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us next time for another edition of Cal.E.’s Korner.