Cal.E.'s Korner

Meow Z. Tongue: Cal.E., have you been able to contact your third husband, Tucker Tucker Two a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo

(who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken (by his former BFF, co-founder and business partner in the Triple t Cartel, one-time World Association of Cat Fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology tag -team partner and now chief rival for his seven WACKO championship belts and now arch enemy, The Original Triple T, Tom the Tabby)

whom he may or may not have defeated for the middle weight  WACKO cat fighting crown yet?

C.: No, Meow. I told you, it will take a week before he picks up a phone or a newspaper, or watches television or listens to the radio after he has a championship WACKO cat fighting match defending his seven SACKO championship belts. We’ll just need to wait a couple of more days in this five-star dump

before he hears my message and comes to pay our bill and takes us home.

M.: Well, since it will take that long for T to get us, I suppose you may as well continue with your story called A Strange Planet (yawn).

C.: Okay, so, Tom the Tabby, otherwise known as the Original Triple T,

had information about stocks on every board in the country. He gave me good stock tips in exchange for information about the evil genius dog, Buddy Bones.

Making good investments and making more money than I had ever seen,

even as the queen of the Planet of the Talking Cats gave me  a euphoric feeling, which was Tom’s plan. He had something sinister in store for me.

When I asked if there was another way to make money so quickly, he said that gambling on sports was an easy way to make a quick buck.

I said that I had no knowledge of sports, but my best human friend, d.c. scot did,

so I needed to talk to him, but Tom had a different idea. He said that I should listen to a podcast that featured the foremost authority on sports in the northwest corner of Southeast Texas. He said that he could invest my money in the picks I made after listening to….

                                                THE JOE GROAN SHOW

And now, the foremost authority on sports in the Northeast corner of Southeast Texas between the hours of one and one oh one a.m. on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays with odd numbered dates in even numbered years, as well as every alternate Wednesdays at the same time, your host, JOE GROAN!!!

OH, OH, OH, OH!! It’s the second, or maybe the third, or fourth most wonderful time of the year…well, it’s definitely in the top ten for college basketball fans. It’s time for my predictions for the upcoming conference tournament championships and the NCAA finals four.

Of course, the big dog is at the top of the list. The SEC is down this year, though. It’s expected that only ten of the sixteen teams in the most dominant conference in college sports will make it to the big dance. And, the SEC hasn’t won a major sports championship in almost two years, so it’s their time. I look for the Georgia Bulldogs to pull an upset and win the conference championship and the automatic bid that goes along with it.

The second most dominant conference in college sports is the Big Ten, with sixteen, or eighteen, or twenty-six, or however many teams have joined the conference in this century, the Big Ten has a better than average chance to win the Big Dance this year. I look for the Iowa Hawkeyes to win the conference championship game and face off against Georgia in the NCAA finals, with Georgia prevailing.

And the next conference that is not as dominant in other sports as it is in basketball is the Big Twelve, with sixteen teams. I suppose these conferences are using the new math rules, which I was never taught in school. Anyway, I look for the Houston Cougars to finally come through with their first NCAA basketball championship as they trounce the University of Michigan Wolverines

in the semifinals…wait, I want to revise my picks.

I think that Georgia will beat Iowa in the semifinals, and the University of Houston will trounce the University of Minnesota Badgers

in the semifinals to set up the big showdown between Georgia and Houston, with the Cougars coming out on top…unless UCLA

returns to its former glory and wins the Big Ten tournament and then goes on a run to win the NCAA championship…unless they are upset in the first round by a no-name team. Anyway, I predict that a big-name school from a big-name conference will win the NCAA basketball tournament…unless that team upset in the earlier rounds.

Now, go place your bets…I mean, just a meal or a drink at a bar because betting on sports in illegal in most of the fifty states in the union. So, if you want to take my picks and call a sports gambling line in Navada, go ahead. However, remember that this podcast is for entertainment purposes only.

This has been Joe Groan, with one man’s (correct) opinion.

M.: So, what happened next?

C.: (Yawn) I would tell you, but it’s time for my mid-afternoon nap, so that’s the end of this cat ta(i)le.

Please join us next time for another edition of Cal.E.’s Korner.