Cal.E.'s Korner

d.: (ring) this call is from an unknown number. I’d better not answer it. It may be someone trying to scam me, or, at least, waste my time….Well, the caller did leave a message. Maybe I should listen to it. I still haven’t decided whom to vote for, so a political call may be something I need to listen to.

Hello, d.c. This is Calculating Einstein Katt’s third (and hopefully last) husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken (by my former BFF, business partner with the Triple T Cartel and tag-team World Association of Cat fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology and now arch WACKO nemesis and chief rival for my six heavy weight WACKO cat fighting championship belts, the Original Triple T, Tom the Tabby).

Call me back ASAP. I think I can help you.

d: Well, if T wants me to call him back, this may be important. (ring)

Tux: Hi, d.c. I’m sorry about calling from an unknown number, but I must keep a low profile until my next cat fight. Anyway, I was monitoring Cal.E.’s calls because, well, we both know her. I heard about your situation with your school project, so I called The Original Triple T, Tom the Tabby.

d.: T. why would you call your chief rival and competition for your six WACKO heavy weight cat fighting championship belts? Aren’t you two on the outs?

Tux,: Well, if anyone in the media asks you, yes. However, you were involved in WACKO as a trainer, so you know as well as anyone that that’s mainly for show; we’re still buds. Anyway, Tom is a lawyer…

d.: He is?

Tux.: Yes, as well as a notary.

d.: Well, that sounds like an odd but useful combination.

Tux,: It is. He heard about your situation with We Care As Little As Possible (and sometime less than that), and he came up with a solution.

d.: How?

Tux.: He asked his investigator, Hank D. Hound,

to find out if anyone else dealing with WCALASPASLTT, and he found quite a few people who were in the same situation you’re in. Approximatley, 500,000.

o, Tom found a solution for all of you.

d.: Go on.

Tux.: Well, Tom was able to determine that almost all the people who had problems with this company were from the deep south, or from Texas.

d. And?

Tux.: Then he was able to formulate a hypothesis, and determined that y’all all suffer from Triple S.

d.: Triple S?

Tux.: Yes, Slow Southern Speaking. All y’all got cut off when trying to leave messages on the company’s answering machine, so Tom was able to file a class action lawsuit against the company. He said that they were discriminating against everyone with a southern drawl.

d.: Did he win?

Tux.: It never went to court. The company saw how many clients it would need to compensate if it lost, so they settled out of court. In essence,, anyone who suffers from Triple S can call the company any day of the week, any time of day, and the company will listen to y’all and try their best to help you.

d.: Well, Tux, thank ya, thank ya, thank ya very much. Ah like a story wit’ a happy endin’.

Dat’s da end o’ dis cat ta(i)le, folks. So keep yo’ eys open and yo’ erays peeled fo’ da next edition o’ Cal.e.’s Korner.