Cal.e.'s Korner

T. Puppy Katt: Well, it looks as if Dad left the computer unguarded again, and he and that annoying talking cat, Calculating Einstein Katt, who live down the street with the six-time World Association of Cat fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology heavy weight champion of the world her third husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken (by his former BFF, business partner in the Triple T Cartel, and former WACKO tag-team partner bout now sworn enemy and archrival) The Original Triple T, Tom the Tabby.

That means I can write my blog, since Dad’s computer can translate both Catonese and Dogma.

Wow, that must have set Dad bag a pretty penny, maybe even two whole days’ worth of kibble, but I digress. I will now write the most skillfully crafted gossip rag on this or any other street: PUPPY PATTER.

Those two live with Cal.E.’s fourteen kittens from a….”previous relationship.” Hmmm, cats are annoying anyway, and having sixteen of them in that drab little cottage known as “Wayne Manor.”

And It must be so hard to hear oneself think with Cal/.E’s youngest male kitten, Ralph, playing his bass at all hours of the day and night

… Well, maybe not that one,

but this one would be annoying.

And don’t get me started on that Sixto.

He’s intelligent as cats go, but Standard Poodles

are one of the three smartest breeds of dogs, meaning of any animal in the world. Sure, Border Collies are smart,

but they are so hyper. And who can trust a German shepherd?

They are just so sneaky, or, at least, think they are. The way they’ve been bred in this country, though, precludes them from being sneaky because they’ve been bred to be huge! Not me, I’ll stay a size two until I pass. That’s one reason I don’t want puppies. I don’t want to ruin my girlish figure.

Oh, I suppose y’all are wondering about Belgian shepherds, Malinois in particular. Malinois are no smarter than the three other breeds of Belgian Shepherds, or any eight-year-old human. Malinois are just more athletic than the other three breeds of Belgian shepherds.

Dad says it isn’t fair to compare a dog that is as smart as a human child

to other breeds of dogs, but what about Standard Poodles? Are They really smarter than a dog that can type a blog? As if!! I mean, can a Malinois do what I’m doing now? The answer is n-o!

Even if one could, would his or her diction and grammar, not to mention sentence structure, be as good as mine is? I mean, sure, I can’t scale an eight-foot wall and then open a gate, like some Malinois used by the U.S. Armed Services can, and I’m not able to sniff out bombs and trip wires for booby traps, but Dad says that I’m a very athletic dog. I mean, who wants to go to a battlefield and take the chance of being injured or dying there? Not this puppy…

That leads me to the main topic. I’m almost thirty months old, but I’m Named The Puppy Katt, and I’m a grown !@#$% dog. Why am I being called a puppy or a cat?

I’m so very confused that I think I’ll lay down early for my mid-afternoon nap. That should give me time to take my late afternoon nap after I eat my evening meal, so tata for now, readers, because that’s the endo of this Katt’s ta(i)le.

Please join us next time for another edition of Puppy Patter… I mean Cal.E.’s Korner.