d.: Cal.E., didn’t you ever teach your kittens to hunt rodents?
C.: I did, but you know kids, they don’t listen.
d.: Aren’t your kittens middle-aged, and isn’t that their pay for cleaning kennels at The Kennel, all the rodents that can eat? The Kennel authorities saw it as a win-win situation. They cold get clean kennels and control the rodent population by hiring you and your kittens.
C.: d.c., you’ve seen my kittens, do you think that any of them is capable of hunting rodents?
d.: Well…maybe Ralph if he could stay sober and not eat so much catnip, and Sixto seems capable…
C.: Exactly. Those are the only two who are good hunters, but Ralph can’t stay straight. I suppose he got that gene from me.
d.: So, how do your kittens get paid, then?
C.: Ralph gets paid in catnip,
Then, he used to eat his whole paycheck in the bathroom until The Kennel put this sign up.
and Sixto hunts for himself and the other twelve kittens of mine.
d.: That sounds like a lot of pressure to put on one cat.
C.: Well, that’s not all they get to eat. Remember, their stepfather is my third husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As the Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken, and he’s a meow-lloinnaire.
d.: What does that mean, exactly?
C.: I’m not familiar with the currency here on Earth, but T is always saying, “A billion dollars here, a billion dollars there, and pretty soon, we’re talking about real money, whatever that means.
d.: I didn’t know that T was a politician.
C.: Anyway, T spoils my kittens, and his money lets him enjoy his favorite foods, which I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.
d.: Like what?
C.: Like Patte Foix Gras, Filet Mignon, and Caviar. I mean, fish eggs are okay, but who wants to eat a dead cow? And ducks are just too big not to be tough. Yuck!
d.: That reminds me. WACKO changed its name. It’s now the World Association of Cat-fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology. Why did it change its name?
Well, the Kung Fu Fighting Association pulled out of WACKO as fast as lighting when that scandal involving T and Tom the Tabby was going on. Anyway, cats like to eat birds, so knowledge of ornithology is important to cats. In fact, WACKO now requires the members of its organization to catch two birds a week.
T does catch them, then he gently lets them go free. He doesn’t like to harm creatures smaller than him.
d.: So, that’s where my two cats, Shon and Big Boy got those birds they were eating yesterday.
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