Cal.E.'s Korner

 .C.: : (ring) d.c., this is Cal.E., and I need some advice.

d.: About what?

C.: Well, my third husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken wants me to accompany him to his cat fight, after we agreed that he would only compete in tag-team cat fighting with his former BFF, Tom the Tabby. The flight leaves tonight for Paris!

d.: France?

C.: No, Illinois. I would rather stay here at Wayne Manor, but I’m afraid that I’ll regret it if I don’t go with him.

d.: Well, Cal.E, if you don’t get on that plane tonight, you’ll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe no tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.

C.: Okay, well, since I’ll be in the audience, I have no idea what to do when they play the national anthem. I’m not a permanent resident of this country or this planet, and I was already standing when they played “The Star’s-Spangled Banner” at all my cat fights that I participated in. What should I do or say? I mean, I don’t mean to seem rude, because one of the members of my band, the RoCKats,, Sam the Cat, is playing the national anthem.

d.: “Play it, Sam.”

C.: Well, okay. If I feel like eating catnip because I’m so nervous, what should I do? I don’t drink alcohol, but I’m a nervous flyer, and I don‘t want to go back to having a bad habit.. What about that small bar that you and Eudora’s young friend owns? Should I go there? It is near the airport, but what would your friend say if a talking cat walked into his bar?

d.: Of all the gin joints in all the world, she had to walk into mine.

C.: Okay, then, if I do go there, I’d like to make a toast. What’s a good thing to say as a toast?

d.: Here’s looking at…at you kid.

C.: d.c., did you, by any chance, stay up late last night and watch your favorite old movie?

d.:…That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner