C.: Well, now that T has the two criminal cats who are watching Ralph distracted, Sixto and I can grab Ralph and get him out of here. Then, Tom the Tabby will have nothing on T and me to make us fight him and his tag-team partner. I can stop training and just concentrate on other areas of my life.
Later that same day, in Greater Houston (Somewhere between Orang and El Paso)
C.: (I suppose I should wake Ralph up and make sure that he’s okay. I should do that as gently as possible, though, in case he was traumatized.) WAKE UP RALPH!!!!!
Ralph: Whoa, Mom, why did you wake me up? I was having the most gnarly dream. I was singing lead for your band and the crowd rushed the stage and I body surfed through the crowd to my dressing room. It was filled with catnip and fan mail. It was the most excellent dream!
C.: I suppose that you’re okay, then.
T.: I’m glad I could help you get Ralph back, Cal.E., but I’m still mad at my former BFF.
C.: Yes, thanks for the help, but I never knew you could fly.
T.: I can’t really fly, I just have very strong back legs. I used them to jump high enough to make those two idiot cats who were guarding Ralph think I was flying.
C.: Well, I’m glad it worked. Now, since you’re retired from cat fighting, we can just concentrate on having a normal life.
T.: “Normal” is a setting on a dryer, Cal.E. Nothing about our lives is normal. We’re talking cats! And… we need to make sure that Tom The Tabby never pulls a stunt like this again. As the head of the family, I have a plan to keep all of our family members safe.
C.: What’s that, T.?
T.: Well, according to Oxford Languages, a plan is, “a detailed proposal for doing or achieving something,” but that’s not important right now.
C.: So, what’s the plan, my main man?
T.: We need to take Tom down a notch by giving him what he’s asked for.
C.: Come again?
T.: Tom wanted a rematch, but as a tag-team, Texas Cage match. He wants you, me, him, and a cat of his choosing to fight until one of us says “dog.” That will indicate that the loser is as low down as a stray dog.
C.: So, let me guess. To do this, we need to train like our lives depend on it?
T.: Exactly
C.: T., did you and Tom get together and devise a plan that would encourage me to participate in this Texas Cage Tag-Team Cat Fight?
T.:...That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
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