d.: I’m sorry, ma’am, sir or nonbinary individual, but, due to the winter storm, I can only see patients who are having an emergency today.
d.: What is your emergency?
Im: I have a hangnail. It needs to be taken care of now!
d.: I see. Well, give me one minute to get my work station set up. Okay, come on in.
IM: What’s that?
d.: A number ten scalpel blade.
IM.: And what are you going to do with it?
d.: An amputation.
IM.: I think I can wait to have this hangnail fixed. Thank you.
d.: (That was close. I almost didn’t get off work in time to see T.’s big fight. When I get home, I’ll just record the first part of the fight while I take a shower and then watch it on tape delay because I paid so much to watch this fight that I don’t want to miss any of it. But…I need a shower after working a twelve hous shift at The Kennel.)
Later that same night….
d.: This should be interesting. Channel 222.222 has a new announcer. The NCFA said that it was a conflict of interest for me to call the match, be the referee, and train one of the fighters. I guess that makes sense. Maybe the NFL should follow suit and adopt a rule about a player’s uncles calling a game he’s playing in.) Oh, here come the introductions.
Ladies, gentlemen, nonbinary individuals and animals of all classifications; Let's ge3t ready to rrrrumble! Tonight's championship bout is brought to you by the makers of the cat food that’s our of this world: Other Worldly Cat Food.
These introductions are also brought to you by OWCF
In the red corner, weighing in at 17.00001 pounds, the champion of the light heavy weight cat fighting division, Triple T: Tom the Tabby!
And, in the black corner, the challenger in this division, a cat that looks like her eats a lot of Other Wordly Cat Food; the holder of five championship belts in the heavy weight division of championship cat fighting, sponsored by OWCF, weighing in at 19.999998 svelte pounds: Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T was Already Taken.
And folks and others, this was a grudge match that was delayed by Covid. When that was over, T and his new bride were on their honeymoon, so it’s been four whole years for this grudge match to be arranged. We’re in for a real treat (like Other Wordly Cat Food) tonight as these former BFFs take each other on to determine the champion of the light heavyweight division of Championship Cat Fighting, which is sponsored by Other Wordly Cat Food. (ding) And there’s the bell. (ding)
T’s strategy to earn his five heavy weight championship cat fighting belts was to let his opponent tire, and then go in for the knockout punch. He’s successfully earned five championship heavy weight cat fighting belts (With OWCF on them) with one punch.
Triple T likes to bob and weave, dance and move until the opponent is too tired to defend himself. Each cat fighter is employing the strategy that’s worked best for them to get to this fight. Tom is dancing, bobbing, weaving and moving while T stands in the middle of the ring waiting for an opportunity to land the haymaker to win this belt; (ding) but it won’t happen in this round, because there's the bell. Now, each cat will have a chance to regroup and eat some Other Worldly Cat Food. (ding).
And we’re now in round two of this scheduled three round cat fight, and neither cat has landed a punch. T is standing in the center of the ring with his front paws by his side, daring Tom to come inside and hit him (ding). But it won’t happen in this round. The bell for round two has sounded, and each cat is in his corner getting fed some Other Worldly Cat Food by his trainer. (ding)
And there’s the bell for round three, sponsored by Other Worldly Cat Food. And T, as the challenger, must make a move to earn this victory in my opinion. Tom is the champion, so the onus is on the challenger.
And it looks like T will make his move. He follows Tom into a corner and traps him. An upper cut to the jaw has Tom reeling, but he lands a haymaker as he’s falling down. Both cat fighters are down for an eight count. The referee is counting each fighter. If neither cat recovers, then this will be declared a draw, and another, even more expensive to watch cat fight will be scheduled, and it will be sponsored by Other Worldly Cat Food.
Referee: Seven, eight, nine
And one of the cats is trying to get on his feet. It’s….
d.: Well, that’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
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