d.: ( Man, I hate getting rejection emails, but that goes along with being a writer, I suppose. And, this email is in tiny font. I think they should only allow emails to be typed in eighteen point font or bigger.
Well, I guess that’s it for this idea. This was the last network I had sent the script to, and they took six months to send me a form, rejection email.
I wonder why the network turned down my script for a new show? Lost was a popular show twenty years ago, and now FOUND is another popular show, so why not have a show called LOST AND FOUND? It would probably be twice as popular as those other two shows..) (ring)
“Oh, hi Cal.E. How’s it going for you today?”
C.: I can’t complain (mainly because T forbid me to complain about anything in his presence from now until our next wedding anniversary. He said that would be his present from me if I could do it). How’s it going with you?
d.: Not so good. I just got turned down for a pilot for a new television show.
C.: Oh, what’s it about?
d.: Well, it’s called LOST AND FOUND, because it’s about a guy who works at the Lost and Found counter at the library.
C.: And he secretly beats criminals to death at night, when he gets off work, because the library is in a bad neighborhood, where he grew up, and he’s tired of being bullied? And did he take self-defense courses to help him accomplish this?
d.: Well, no.
C.: Then, does he secretly solve crimes when he goes to clean the police station because he doesn’t make enough money at the library to live on and pay his mother’s medical bills? And his mother will die of stage four cancer if she doesn’t get the treatment she needs quickly, but she’s here illegally and doesn’t want to be discovered and returned to her home country if she goes to the hospital to get treatment?
d.: Well…no.
C.: Then, does your protagonist coach a little league hockey team to a championship; and the team is made up of rat-tag youngsters from his old neighborhood who can’t afford to buy the equipment that playing championship hockey teams must have? And does he work two and three jobs to pay for the kids’ equipment? And does he then get a job at a major university where he can recruit his little league team so they can get an education that their parents or the players wouldn’t be able to afford otherwise?
d.: Well, no.
C.: What’s your show about, then?
D.: My show is about a guy who works at a lost and found in a library.
C.: Well then, does he find an object that someone lost and he found that can transport him through time so that he can keep both world wars from happening? And can he go into the future and find a solution to global warming, starvation, and all diseases?
D.: No.
C.: Then, does he at least find the cure for cancer with something he found in the lost and found box because he’s secretly working on his M.D. or D.O. degree?
D.: No.
C.: I give up. What’s the catch for your show, then, d.c.?
D.: The catch is that there is no catch. It’s just a straight forward show about an average guy. What’s wrong with that?
C.:....It looks like we’re out of time for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
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