Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us, only sky
… Imagine all the people
Livin' for today
Ah
… Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too
… Imagine all the people
Livin' life in peace
You
… You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
… Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
… Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world
You
… You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: John Winston Lennon
Imagine lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Capitol CMG Publishing, Downtown Music Publishing, Royalty Network, Songtrust Ave, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner Chappell Music, Inc
C.: Hi, d.c., I need for you to explain something to me…
d.: What’s that, Cal.E.? Why Creighton University is in a conference called The Big East, and is located in Omaha, Nebraska, which is in the Mountain Time Zone, and not on the East Coast?
C.: Er.. no, but that is a good question. I need help implementing the plan that the John Lennon song you’re listening to suggests, and I need for you to explain to me what will make all the world leaders want to unite the world as one.
d.: Good luck with that! It won’t happen anytime soon, if ever, unless the world is about to end.
C.: Well…
d.: Cal.E., are you trying to tell me something?
C.: Yes, d.c., and I need for you to listen carefully. Meow Z. Tongue, the supreme ruler of my home galaxy thinks that he bought the planet Earth from a space traveler. He came to see what he had purchased and was not pleased. He decided that he would tear down the whole planet and build cat climbing structures and make this planet a place to put cat criminals and undesirables…
d.: Do you mean like cat burglars (hehe)?
C.: d.c., this is serious, and I need your help. I can’t talk to world leaders, but you’re a human. I was hoping that you could help me.
d.: Cal.E., I’m just a peon. A cog in the wheel of life. A John Doe. A nobody…
C.: I got the picture, d.c. I guess that it’s on to Plan D then.
d.: Plan D?!
C.: Yes, Plan A was to use you as my spokesman to talk to the world leaders and have them unite against this evil cat. Much like Aaron was Moses’s mouthpiece in the Old Testament, you would be my mouthpiece.
d.: Or be locked up for being a lunatic when I said a giant cat was going to destroy the earth!
C.: Okay, since that won’t work, Plan B was to assassinate Meow Z. Tongue. There were two problems with this plan.
d.: ??
C.: Well, it would require a rifle and a skilled marksman to use it. I don’t have opposable thumbs, and you’re the only human who knows about this. I know that you’re a good shot, d.c., but you’re out of practice. Meow is a big target, but he’s still a cat, and cats are quick! Also, this plan must be implemented quickly. Meow wants to start tearing down earth in the next two weeks.
Plan C was to try to reason with Meow Z. Tongue, but we’re way past that because Meow is a bit unreasonable since he never has to answer to anyone. That leaves us with Plan D.
d.: What is Plan D, Cal.E.?
C.: I’ll challenge El Gordo Gato to a physical duel and the loser must leave this galaxy and never return. I’ve been training for the Cat Rodeo and The Cat Skills games simultaneously, so I think I can win.
d.: I don’t know, Cal.E. You aren’t that far along in your training, and this is for the fate of the world. Also, what makes you think that Meow Z. Tongue, the Supreme Ruler of the Cat Galaxy will accept the terms of your challenge?
C.: Meow thinks very highly of himself, as most cats do. If I queen slapped him…
d.: I think the correct term is…
C.: I know what you were going to say, d.c., but I’m a female cat, not a dog! I’m a queen. Meow Z. Tongue will see this as a challenge he can’t refuse. He’ll need to save face with all the cats on earth and himself. He can’t resist a challenge like this.
d.: What event will you challenge him to compete against you in, Cal.E.?
C.: The hardest of all events in the Cat Skills Games: the cat pentathlon.
d.: Are you sure that you can win that event?
C.: Not entirely, but I have a secret weapon. My fiance, Tucker Tucker Two, is a skilled cheater. I’ll ask you to train me honestly and Tucker to teach me how to cheat and get away with it. With that combination of help I should be able to win the cat pentathlon and save my adopted home, Planet Earth, from becoming a playground and sandbox for criminal cats of the Cat Galaxy.
d.: Well, with those kinds of stakes we’d better get training now! Just one question first, though. “What does the cat pentathlon involve?”
C.: Well, first….
That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Tune in tomorrow and find out whether Calculating Einstein Kat is able to save the earth from a fate worse than death (and what a cat pentathlon involves).