C.: I still don’t feel like training for the Cat Skills Games, but Tucker sent me this invitation to go to the Triple T gym today. It’s “Bring Your Valentine or Else Day” at Tom and Tucker’s gym, so I guess I’d better go. What’s this? There’s a coupon for one free training session with a top-level trainer today. That may just be the kick-start I need to get my training off the ground. I really hope that my trainer is a good one. If s/he is, I’ll stick with that trainer until my competition. I’ll just pack my gym bag and be on my way. The bus should be here in five (or fifty) minutes. I’ll just wait for it to come.
(Later) This says that my trainer is N-95. I suppose they didn’t want to scare me with a name like “Mr. Mean” or something like that. Okay, Hmm N-95 is…d.c?! What are you doing here?
d.: Oh, hi Cal.E. I have a second job as a trainer at this gym. Since I speak Catonese, I can train cats, as well as humans. As soon as I learn Dogma, I’ll train dogs, too. Are you having a good day so far, my friend?
C.: Sure, let’s go with that. I suppose there’s no time like the present to get started with my free training session. Can we go ahead and start?
d.: Sure, Cal.E. Your wish is my command. (Tweet). Okay, you tricolored trollop! Let’s go, let’s go! You only have three months for me to whip your sorry tail (and the rest of you) into shape before you compete in the Cat Skills Games. This will be the hardest, but most rewarding thing you’ve ever done. Are you ready?!!!
C.: As… soon as I get warmed up with some stretches.
d.: (tweet) We don’t have time for that stretching business. I rode twenty miles on the stationary bike, then ran five miles uphill in the snow (in Houston) to warm up and get loose. Then I began my real workout!! I’ll go easy on you. We’ll start with a nice, easy three-mile run! (Tweet) Double time, let’s go, let’s go let’s go!
d.: I don’t know but I’ve been told
C.: I don’t know what I’ve been told
d.: I’m gonna train Cal.E to get the gold
C.: You are? That’s wonderful, d.c.
d.: She’s competing in the Cat Skills Games
C.: I’m competing in the Cat Skills Games
d.: She’ll kick butt and take some names
C.: I’m gonna kick butt with a lion’s mane
d.: Then they’ll put her in the Cat Skills Hall of Fame
C.: I’m gonna be in the hall of fame!
d.: Sound off one, two
C.: Sound off one, two
d.: Sound off three four
C.: You know that I can only count to two, d.c.
d.: When Cal.E’s inducted into the Cat Skills Hall of Fame
C.: I’m goona be in the hall of fame!
d.: She’ll ask’em for my trainer will you do the same?!
C.: I will? That’s awfully nice of me, isn’t it?
d.: Sound off one, two
C.: Sound off one, two
d.: Sound off three four
C.: I told you I can’t count that high!
d.: Sound off one two, three four
C.: Sound off one, two, one two
d.: Cal.E. halt! Now, we begin your real workout. Drop and give me twenty.
C.: I-I only have eleven dollars, d.c., but you can have it if you’ll stop counting so high!
d: Give me twenty pushups with one front paw, now, now, now!!!
C.: I have four legs, so, wouldn’t it be more efficient to use all four legs…
d.: Do not question my methods! You will do what I tell you to do! Failure is not an option! (Tweet)
Okay, Cal.E., that’s the end of the free training session. Thank you so much for coming to the Triple T Gym and Emporium today. It has been my pleasure to train you. If you’d like, today’s special is ten training sessions with yours’ truly for only one thousand dollars. Stop by the desk on the way out, and they’ll give you a coupon. Then, you can go on the gym’s website and type in the code, and I’ll train you for only one hundred dollars per session. That’s the price for today only. Tomorrow, the price doubles. Have a nice day.
C.: I-I’ll let you know about the training sessions. I need to go home and take a catnap. I need to sleep before my shift at the kennel tonight…
d.: Sleep! You want to sleep! You don’t have time to sleep! You’ve got the Cat Skills Games Competition in just three months! I’ll whip you into shape and make the competition look like they’re standing still! You need to run home and do calisthenics until your shift starts! Run the stairs during your breaks! Let’s go let’s go let’s go!
C.: (I don’t think I’ll stop by the desk and get one of those coupons)