Cal.E.'s Korner

C.: Hi, d.c. This is Cal.E. I know you can’t give me any specifics, but how is the training for my kittens going for the Cat Olympics this year?

d.: I wouldn’t know, Cal.E.

C.: ???!!! I thought you and T

were going to train my kittens until you all dropped, then rest and get up and do it again.

d.:  That was the plan, but I suddenly got inspired by an idea for a new television series. It’s about a doctor who is disbarred because some patients complained about his bedside manner. The doctor isn’t trained to do anything else, so he becomes a madman and seeks revenge on his patients. Since he doesn’t know which ones filed the complaint, he seeks them out, one by one. Then he ties them up and gags them so they can’t scream. After he does that, he injects them with the diuretic furosemide and leaves them to wet themselves when they cannot get loose to use the toilet to urinate. The script is written from one of the victim’s point of view. It’s called “Gagged me and Lasix.”

C.:???!!!d.c., I know that you worked for the government for a long time, but this isn’t like a  U.S. or state government job where the most incompetent people get promoted to positions with as little contact with accrual work as possible.

That way, they can do as little damage as possible. This is more like a sports franchise. In that scenario,, when the players don’t perform well, the coach is fired, not the athletes! Do you get my drift?

d.: Relax, Cal.E., T. called his best bud

, The Original Triple T, Tom the Tabby

to help train your kittens.

C.: I’m not sure that was a good idea, d.c.

d.: ???

C.: Well, Tom always seems to  lose his WACKO cat-fighting matches with T. Is he going to be a good teacher? I mean, does he even know how to win?

d.: Cal.E., you know, as well as I do, that the World Association of Cat-fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology cat fighting matches are all rehearsed and rigged. These cats are but actors on a stage, as The Bard

would say. And Tom must be very athletic to perform the acrobatics he does when T. knocks him out in their cat-fighting matches.

If he can learn to do those things, I think he’ll be a good teacher for your kittens.

Also, I do speak Catonese, but it’s not my primary language. Since your kittens are one-half earth kittens, they don’t all have the ability to speak English, so it’s better that Tom can teach them their roles in their native language. It will be easy for them to understand.

C.: I suppose so. I need to see a man about a horse, so…

d.:???

C.: I NEED TO USE THE SANDB0X, OKAY?!

d.: Oh, well, I suppose that’s the end of this cat ta(i)le, then.

Please join us next time for another edition of Cal.E.’s Korner.