Cal.E.'s Korner

C.: Ah, yes, I remember when I first came to this strange planet. I could only count to two then, so I’m not sure how long ago it was.  I didn’t know what humans were like, or what they were interested in…

More than two years ago

C.:  Oh, hi there! I set up my human dad’s camera because I want to create something called a vlog. It involves talking into a camera and where everyone watching can see who I am. My next-door neighbor and best human friend, d.c. scot wasn’t in favor of me doing this, because he’s afraid that I may be exposed as an alien cat. Seriously, whoever heard of a talking cat! Well, listen to this I am Cal.E. Katt…

Anyway, I’ve been observing the couple who are fostering me, Horace and Hortense Huxley.

This coupld fosters cats,

as well as numerous other animals, including human babies!

I think that the object I’m sitting on is the center of the human universe. What do they call it? Oh, yes. a refrigerator. It’s the humans’ god. I can’t remember the word “refrigerator” very well, so I’ll need to rename this appliance. Let’s see….It’s white, and we are in Southeast Texas, so I think I’ll call it ‘Blanco.”

You see, when humans have done something to anger “Blanco,” like paying too much attention to his chief rival for humans’ attention, something called a “cell phone,”

they put food in Blanco to appease him. When he is pleased with a human’s actions, he will open his abdomen and give the human food. That’s how they survive here on this strange planet. Speaking of strange, I couldn’t figure out what a ‘cell phone was, so I looked it up online.

According to CNN, a ‘cell' is the fundamental structural and functional unit of all living organisms.” And a phone is a communication device. Looking this term up on Cats

Need kNowledge didn’t help me clarify what this term meant, so I did some research.

Apparently, though, taking one of these devices is fully a criminal offense punishable by the law. I found thi sout when I tried to take one from one of my human brothers,

Otherwise, why wouldn’t someone just take one when humans leave them lying around? My friend, d.c. scot, says he doesn’t always know where his is.

I suppose d.c. is the exception, because other humans seem to worship their devices, which angers Blanco.

I suppose that’s why Blanco has encouraged merchants to charge more for the sacrifices humans must bring him. He wants them to spend their money on sacrifices for him, not on these evil devices. It doesn’t seem to be working, though. Every commercial on the third member of earth’s holy trinity, a television,

is about a newer, better cell phone. I’ll bet most humans don’t even know how to fully appreciate the cell phone they own, so why buy a new one? It doesn’t make sense to me.

Well, speaking of not making sense, it’s daytime, and I’m a cat! That means I should be sound asleep, so I’ll end this cat ta(i)le.

now to get some Zs. Please join me next time for another edition of Cal.E.’s Korner.