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C.: Hi, d.c. I thought you had to work tonight. Weren't you helping the medical provider at the human kennel?
d.: I was, but his patient decided that he did not like me. When I called him by his pet's name, he thought that I was only qualified to treat animals, not humans. I will admit, I made a mistake by doing that, but everyone makes mistakes. If HE had not made a bad mistake, he wouldn't be in the human kennel. C.: What name did you call him d.c.? d.: I can't tell you that, Cal.E. It is against the law for me to divulge medical information about a patient. If I told you what I called him, you would know who he was. C.: OKay, well, what did Doc do, then? d.: He called in one of his regular nurses. Since they are all female, I am sure that it made the inmate happy. It is an all-male facility. He only sees females when he comes to medical, which is often. As it turns out, he just wanted a medical excuse to get out of his job, as a fire watcher. He said that his surgically repaired wrist (that was repaired in 1982) was interfering with his job, or telling firemen where there is a fire. He has not called anyone to do anything since he has been there. Both Doc and his nurse DID ask me to stick around to interpret the inmate's request. Since I deal with animals, they thought that I might be able to interpret the inmate's written request, as per the human kennel's medical policies. I am glad that animals cannot talk (except for you) or write. That is why I prefer to work with animals, as a rule. They don't talk back. Doc did think, though, that I may have some insight into this inmate's request, since he makes frequent requests and is never satisfied with the results. Doc just wanted someone from the outside to give him a different perspective. This guy is never satisfied with anything Doc or his staff does for him. Doc thought that he may be misreading the inmate's requests, so he asked me to stick around and try to interpret his latest one. D.: What did the inmate request? c.: A full fissucal. Neither Doc nor his nurse knew what that meant. I said he wanted a head-to-toe evaluation (he did). He was also complaining about his feeling falling out. Doc did not know if he should forward the note to the dentist or to the mental health provider. I told him the latter, since he asked to see sike. C.: It sounds like humans can be interesting to work with, too. Sit down and watch the bowl games with me. The JImmy Kimmel Bowl is about to begin. d.: The what now? C.: It is the newest college bowl game, named after the host of the tonight show. It features North Carolina(?) or maybe South Carolina or N.C. State or Clemson... d.: I am sure it is not Clemson. They would turn down an offer to play in such a minor bowl game, as good as their program has been over the last few years. But tell me, Cal.E., why are you watching a game when you do not even know who is playing in it? You are NOT betting with Tom the Tabby again, are you? C.: Oh, perish the thought, d.c. I just REALLY like watching football. Games like these increase my melatonin level and help me nap better. Let's see, the line on this game is.. d.: Cal.E., do you need to go back into rehab? C.: No, no. I just like to read the point spread to see which team is favored. That way, I can root for the underdog! d.: You know that only three games mean anything, don't you? The two semifinals and the championship game. Nothing else really matters. I only plan to watch the bowl game in which my alma mater is playing, and those three games.I am too short on time to watch many (if any) other bowl games. C.: Yes, I have 'Bama to cover in both their games.... d.: CAl.E., what did you do? C.: It is NOT gambling when I bet on the best program in college football. I just hope that NIck's Knights cover the spread... d.: Cal.E., I must have a conversation with your parents when they get back from their cruise. I do NOT think that you have learned your lesson yet. How much did you bet with Tom the Tabby? C.: Not much. d.: How much? C.: Well, if the Crimson Tide does NOT cover the spread, you may need to find a new place to live.. d.: ROLLL TIDE ROLL!!!
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